Many people spend less time in their homes. What do you think are the reasons? what effects does it have on individuals and the society?

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In various
nation
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nations
show examples
around the world, a lot of people are spending most of their
time
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in different places
out side
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outside
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their
residence
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residences
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.
This
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essay
is discussing
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discusses
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many reasons for
this
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point
as well as
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providing
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provides
show examples
some effects. On the one hand, some people during
this
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time
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believe that the causes of spending less
time
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into
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in
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their
home
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homes
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are many.
The first
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First
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and
the
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apply
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foremost,functions are the main cause for
this
Linking Words
argument.
Moreover
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, the majority of individuals
are staying
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stay
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at least 6 hours
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the working-area
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working-area
Correct your spelling
working area
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each day. To clarify, they elaborate to get found and to provide for their family’s daily needs. In
this
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case
Add a comma
case,
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they are forced to stay away from their house and spend more
times
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time
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with their colleagues
instead
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of children and wife.
In addition
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, several hobbies are considered as a primary fraction during individuals’ days.
Therefor
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Therefore
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, communities
are fall
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fall
show examples
in love with particular fancies so they will keep
going to practice
Wrong verb form
practising
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it
in
Change preposition
for in
show examples
along
Correct your spelling
long
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time
Use synonyms
each day. The best example is that in Barka, 32% of elders
are playing
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play
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soccer games in the evening for 5 hours each day.
On the other hand
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,
this
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argument may
cary
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carry
side effects on individuals and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. The first effect will be on
relationship
Add an article
the relationship
show examples
between family members. To make it more clear, when parents, mothers or sons are spending most of their
time
Use synonyms
outside
home
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the home
show examples
, they can not sit together and share their news and problems. The relationship will become fragile and
week
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weak
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.
Furthermore
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, sitting most of
Use synonyms
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
outside the house may
leads
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lead
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to family break up in the societies.
For instance
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, many researchers in Oman found that 30% of
Omanis
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Omani
show examples
couple
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couples
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have been
divorce
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divorced
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because fathers were spending
long
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a long
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time
Use synonyms
far away from
houses
Correct pronoun usage
their houses
show examples
.
Thus
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, individuals should realize the
important
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importance
show examples
of spending
time
Use synonyms
with family and sharing their stories
as well as
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problems. In conclusion, a large number of people are spending most of
Use synonyms
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
outside
homes
Correct pronoun usage
their homes
show examples
due to
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pursuing a job and exercising
hoppies
Correct your spelling
hippies
.
However
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, it has some effects on the relationships of members family and leads to the family break up.
Submitted by khloodalbadry26 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and consistent structure that guides the reader through your points. Consider using clear paragraphing with topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Transition words should be utilized to enhance the logical flow of information and arguments.
Task Achievement
While the essay addresses the task, the response is incomplete and the ideas presented are not fully developed. To improve, make sure to fully answer all parts of the question, providing a balanced discussion of both the reasons and the effects. Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations that are directly relevant to the topic. Strive for a comprehensive coverage of the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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