Many people spend less time in their homes. What do you think are the reasons? what effects does it have on individuals and the society?

#people #time #homes #effects #individuals #society

In various

nation

Fix the agreement mistake

nations

show examples

around the world, a lot of people are spending most of their

time

in different places

out side

Correct your spelling

outside

show examples

their

residence

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residences

show examples

This

essay

is discussing

Wrong verb form

discusses

show examples

many reasons for

this

point

as well as

providing

Wrong verb form

provides

show examples

some effects. On the one hand, some people during

this

time

believe that the causes of spending less

time

into

Change preposition

show examples

their

home

Fix the agreement mistake

homes

show examples

are many.

The first

Correct article usage

First

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and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

foremost,functions are the main cause for

this

argument.

Moreover

, the majority of individuals

are staying

Wrong verb form

stay

show examples

at least 6 hours

Change preposition

show examples

Correct article usage

the working-area

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working-area

Correct your spelling

working area

show examples

each day. To clarify, they elaborate to get found and to provide for their family’s daily needs. In

this

case

Add a comma

case,

show examples

they are forced to stay away from their house and spend more

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

with their colleagues

instead

of children and wife.

In addition

, several hobbies are considered as a primary fraction during individuals’ days.

Therefor

Correct your spelling

Therefore

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, communities

are fall

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fall

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in love with particular fancies so they will keep

going to practice

Wrong verb form

practising

show examples

Change preposition

for in

show examples

along

Correct your spelling

long

show examples

time

each day. The best example is that in Barka, 32% of elders

are playing

Wrong verb form

play

show examples

soccer games in the evening for 5 hours each day.

On the other hand

this

argument may

cary

Correct your spelling

carry

side effects on individuals and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. The first effect will be on

relationship

Add an article

the relationship

show examples

between family members. To make it more clear, when parents, mothers or sons are spending most of their

time

outside

home

Add an article

the home

show examples

, they can not sit together and share their news and problems. The relationship will become fragile and

week

Correct your spelling

weak

show examples

Furthermore

, sitting most of

time

Add an article

the time

show examples

outside the house may

leads

Wrong verb form

lead

show examples

to family break up in the societies.

For instance

, many researchers in Oman found that 30% of

Omanis

Replace the word

Omani

show examples

couple

Fix the agreement mistake

couples

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have been

divorce

Wrong verb form

divorced

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because fathers were spending

long

Change the article

a long

show examples

time

far away from

houses

Correct pronoun usage

their houses

show examples

Thus

, individuals should realize the

important

Replace the word

importance

show examples

of spending

time

with family and sharing their stories

as well as

problems. In conclusion, a large number of people are spending most of

time

Correct pronoun usage

their time

show examples

outside

homes

Correct pronoun usage

their homes

show examples

due to

pursuing a job and exercising

hoppies

Correct your spelling

hippies

However

, it has some effects on the relationships of members family and leads to the family break up.

Submitted by khloodalbadry26 on Thu Dec 21 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear and consistent structure that guides the reader through your points. Consider using clear paragraphing with topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Transition words should be utilized to enhance the logical flow of information and arguments.

Task Achievement

While the essay addresses the task, the response is incomplete and the ideas presented are not fully developed. To improve, make sure to fully answer all parts of the question, providing a balanced discussion of both the reasons and the effects. Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations that are directly relevant to the topic. Strive for a comprehensive coverage of the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

345 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people spend less time in their homes. What do you think are the reasons? what effects does it have on individuals and the society?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and livable for people in those time than they are now. What problems will this cause ? What can be done to solve these problems ?

Some people think that exercise is the key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

To learn effecrively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is this statement? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problem are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or an negative development?