IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the ocuntry side is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 throughout the world who live in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 tend to immigrate to the
cities
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 and the rural areas have become empty of individuals. I believe it is a negative change as it leads to
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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 of
people
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 and a lack of safety in the
countryside
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.
This
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 phenomenon has several drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, governments have facilitated manifold services and amenities in the
countryside
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 of
cities
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 and there was a trend which elders and youngsters move to there for a better life. As
this
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 move is happening, these facilities will remain useless. In fact, the budget had been for new schools, hospitals, shops etc will be waste to a great extent.
In addition
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, several jobs and factories that have been established in recent years will be closed and many employees will be fired.
Therefore
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, I believe it is the fact that
people
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 and jobs will be influenced negatively.
Additionally
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,
following
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this
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 movement, the villages and
countryside
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 will change to remote regions and empty of citizens.
Hence
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, the most important issue will be the safety and security of the remaining
people
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. As a remarkable section of these regions are elders, I assume that crimes
such
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 as robbery will increase significantly. Some criminal experts have proven that crimes are much less in
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cities
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 with a high population and many
people
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 can defend themselves with the help of their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
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.
To conclude
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,
this
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 veering to the
cities
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 can lead to safety reduction for living in the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
rural accommodations. In conclusion,
although
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people
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 are veering to move to the city centre
due to
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 several reasons,
this
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 idea causes two main problems including the non-use of amenities and the increasing guilt in the lack of
people
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 in the suburbs.

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coherence cohesion
Work on developing clear and pertinent main points. Your essay should have distinctly identifiable ideas with supporting arguments or examples that are pertinent to the task.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay exhibits a logical structure. Paragraphs should follow in a logical order, and ideas should connect to one another seamlessly within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are critical components of the essay. Ensure they are present and that they succinctly address the essay topic and encapsulate the main points of your argument.
task achievement
Expand your use of specific examples to support your arguments. While you touched upon governments' investment in amenities and crime levels, providing more detailed examples would strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Ensure your essay fully addresses the task by providing a balanced view on the topic when required, and by exploring the implications of the development discussed.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and comprehensiveness in your presentation of ideas. Each paragraph should encompass a clear main idea and explore it fully with supporting evidence or examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-urban migration
  • employment opportunities
  • economic disparity
  • metropolitan allure
  • infrastructure development
  • social amenities
  • cultural melting pot
  • agricultural productivity
  • urban sprawl
  • overpopulation
  • gentrification
  • community fabric
  • traditions
  • sustainable development
  • remote working
  • ecological footprint
  • government intervention
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