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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.
#enquiries #tourist #information #office #city #period
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The line chart illustrates the data of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 received by the travel agent office in
Correct article usage
a particularly
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particularly
Change the word
particular
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 city over a half-year
period
Use synonyms
 in 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the number of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 received in
person
Use synonyms
 and by telephone
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rise
Replace the word
rose
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 significantly,
while
Linking Words
inquiries
Use synonyms
 by
letter
Use synonyms
 or
email
Use synonyms
 declined sharply during the
period
Use synonyms
. Looking for more details, the
advice
Use synonyms
 of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 received by telephone and in
person
Use synonyms
 rose significantly in one city over a six-month
period
Use synonyms
 in 2011.
Moreover
Linking Words
, at 400
advice
Use synonyms
 in
person
Use synonyms
 at the
began
Replace the word
beginning
show examples
 in January and
then
Linking Words
 up to over 1800
advice
Use synonyms
 in
person
Use synonyms
 in June.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the data of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 received by telephone increased significantly
at
Change preposition
from
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 around 800 calls to 1600 calls by the same token. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the information by
letter
Use synonyms
 or
email
Use synonyms
 of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 received was went down sharply between January to June in
particularly
Change the word
particular
show examples
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 in 2011.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, at around 700
advice
Use synonyms
 by
letter
Use synonyms
 or
email
Use synonyms
 in January and
then
Linking Words
 went down sharply to around 300 information by
letter
Use synonyms
 or
email
Use synonyms
 during the
period
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words inquiries, period, person, letter, email, advice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • in person
  • by letter/email
  • by telephone
  • general trend
  • six-month period
  • significant increase
  • steady rise
  • decline
  • peak
  • fluctuations
  • monthly data
  • comparison
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