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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.
#enquiries #tourist #information #office #city #period
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The line chart illustrates the data of
inquiries
 received by the travel agent office in
Correct article usage
a particularly
show examples
particularly
Change the word
particular
show examples
 city over a half-year
period
 in 2011.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the number of
inquiries
 received in
person
 and by telephone
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rise
Replace the word
rose
show examples
 significantly,
while
inquiries
 by
letter
 or
email
 declined sharply during the
period
. Looking for more details, the
advice
 of
inquiries
 received by telephone and in
person
 rose significantly in one city over a six-month
period
 in 2011.
Moreover
, at 400
advice
 in
person
 at the
began
Replace the word
beginning
show examples
 in January and
then
 up to over 1800
advice
 in
person
 in June.
Likewise
, the data of
inquiries
 received by telephone increased significantly
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 around 800 calls to 1600 calls by the same token. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the information by
letter
 or
email
 of
inquiries
 received was went down sharply between January to June in
particularly
Change the word
particular
show examples
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 in 2011.
Furthermore
, at around 700
advice
 by
letter
 or
email
 in January and
then
 went down sharply to around 300 information by
letter
 or
email
 during the
period
.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words inquiries, period, person, letter, email, advice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • in person
  • by letter/email
  • by telephone
  • general trend
  • six-month period
  • significant increase
  • steady rise
  • decline
  • peak
  • fluctuations
  • monthly data
  • comparison
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