The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In
this
era, it is impossible for humans to stay away from a gadget and social media
. The technology's development has been raised rapidly and uncontrollably. One of the benefit
of it is those who have Change to a plural noun
benefits
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
relationship
are now finding it easier to connect through Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
an
OTT technology, Correct article usage
apply
such
as Facebook and Twitter.
Over 9 billions
Correct your spelling
billion
of
Change preposition
apply
people
in the world are Facebook or Twitter users. Some of them use
it to receive the latest news, some of them use
it to work, it is probably half of them that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
use
Facebook or Twitter to write down their opinions towards anything, and most of them use
it to connect with friends Correct your spelling
or
of
colleagues. From Correct your spelling
or
this
phenomenon, it is undoubtedly true that the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
's appearances create a huge impact for people
, especially when you have a limited time or you live far away from your family or friends. Correct article usage
Social
The social
Correct article usage
Social
media
is right there to help you Wrong verb form
maintain
maintaining
your relationship even with the furthest ones.
Wrong verb form
maintain
However
, we can not deny that the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
also
gives you some risks. For
example
Add a comma
example,
people
tend to find comfort to stay
at home, Change preposition
in staying
not
having Correct word choice
and not
a
real-life Correct article usage
apply
conversation
with others. Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
Instead
, they prefer to communicated
towards writing. Change the verb
communicate
This
might decrease the ability of
Change preposition
to
communication
because no matter how powerful Replace the word
communicate
the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
is, as a
social living Correct article usage
apply
creature
, we are Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
destinied
to live with other humans and it is possible that we will need their help someday.
Correct your spelling
destined
Overall
, the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
appearance
Fix the agreement mistake
appearances
is
very helpful for Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
because it
could be another way to stay close Correct pronoun usage
they
with
others. But, we need to be wise to Change preposition
to
use
it because the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
still has some risks that could decrease our ability.Submitted by semangatbanget.s2 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for structuring the argument effectively. It is advisable to start with a clear thesis statement that outlines the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss, and finish with a summary of your key points and a restated thesis that reflects your final position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
The main points of the essay are not fully developed. It would benefit from more detailed examples and explanations to support the statements made. Consider elaborating on specific advantages or disadvantages of social media with real-world implications. Quantify your arguments with statistics or research to strengthen them.
coherence cohesion
The essay could be improved with better organization and use of paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and be clearly separated from others. Use a variety of complex sentence structures and linking words to enhance the flow of ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.