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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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Today, more and more people are turning to
alternative
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 medicines and
treatments
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instead
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 of visiting conventional doctors. It is a negative development and will give people reasons to back up.
Firstly
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,
this
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 trend has negative consequences as it can lead to harmful results. There have been numerous cases where patients of
alternative
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 medicines have experienced worsened
health
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 conditions or even death
due to
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 a lack of scientific evidence.
Secondly
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, clients of
alternative
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treatments
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 are often deceived or spend excessive money. It is essential to trust modern medicine, which has proven effective.
Additionally
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, it is crucial to encourage others to seek help from conventional doctors and avoid
alternative
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treatments
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, which can cause physical, emotional, and financial harm. In a modern economy in which almost everyone is suffering or will suffer in the future from a couple of epidemic diseases, like obesity, coronavirus and diabetes, multiple pharmaceutical companies are competing with each other to make better medication for these diseases, and the sooner they make their
drugs
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, the better.
However
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,
this
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 rush that they have to bring their
drugs
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 into the business has some negative aspects.
Although
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 some of these new and
alternative
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drugs
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 might work more effectively from a short-term perspective, they could have unexpected and significant side effects in the future since they have not been appropriately tested. In conclusion, with the increasing number of
health
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 problems, it is essential to prioritize our
health
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 and trust modern medicine
instead
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 of risking it with unproven
alternative
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 treatment. The proportion of people with
health
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 problems who are turning away from their usual physician and turning to try
alternative
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 medicines and
treatments
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 is growing daily. It is a negative change because it can lead to the neglect of the patient’s history and undesirable causes of these new
drugs
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.
Submitted by L on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the task fully. Offer a more balanced view and provide clear arguments for why the development might be considered positive or negative. Including more specific examples would strengthen your essay and help illustrate your points more convincingly.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow of your ideas. Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more clearly. Make sure your paragraphs are well-structured and that each one has a clear central idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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