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Band 4

In some countries, owning a home rether than renting one is very important for people

#countries #home #rether #people
Nowadays,
Change preposition
in our
show examples
our
Change the word
the
show examples
 world that we live in, owning a
house
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 popular rather than
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
renting
house
Add an article
a house
the house
show examples
 for humans. Why might
this
 be the case? Because there
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 two main situations. There are for
time
 and
cost
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
.
People
 want to
easy
Add a missing verb
be easy
show examples
 in everything, and renting a
house
 is
included
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one thing in that. I think that's to lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive situation. There are some
people
needed
Wrong verb form
who need
show examples
 to move to a better job every
time
 and they
thinking
Wrong verb form
think about
show examples
 when they get the jobs about how
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to
go
Verb problem
get
show examples
 there, They always make a plan to get their work
on
Add a missing verb
done on
show examples
time
. In
this
 case, especially, the transportation sector is important and they always search
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
house
 near the
transport
 station. Mostly,
buying
Wrong verb form
they bought
show examples
 a
house
 near the
transport
 station that was expensive and they
can'
Wrong verb form
couldn't
show examples
t
 afford to buy. So, the
people
 they would like to
rent
 a
house
 near in
transport
.
For example
, Bangkok city, that was situated in Thailand
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a lot of
crowded
Replace the word
crowd
show examples
 and traffic;
although
, there
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good transportation. Some
people
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would like to save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
rent
 a
house
 near
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
transport
 and they can get to move easily
one
Change preposition
from one
show examples
 place to another when they
didn'
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
t
 like the
house
.
That is
 advantageous to
rent
 a
house
.
Cost
 saving is important for our lives nowadays. We spent living costs
such
 as
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
,
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
,
transport
,
rent
 or
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 houses. The
people
 who live in
Arban
Correct article usage
the Arban
show examples
 area,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cost
 a lot and want to spend their money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their beauty and health. Some
people
 want to go abroad when they get better opportunities in their work or education. So, selling the
house
 is not easy to make some money. Most of them are saving their money to the banks. They get bank interest. If you buy a
house
 in an urban area, you will
cost
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 a lot of tax and maintenance fees and more over you will
cost
 for
house
 insurance.
For example
, I didn'
t
 really want to move our
house
 when I
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in Bangkok. But the building was old and the
house
 was many crashes on the wall. I wouldn'
t
 spend
anymore
Replace the word
any more
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
house
 because I have to pay my education fee. So, I sold the
house
 and moved to
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
renting
Replace the word
rental
show examples
house
. I think
that is
physical
Correct article usage
a physical
show examples
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
show examples
 not only in Bangkok but
also
 in some countries. Renting a
house
 is easier than buying a
house
 in our lives
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
variable issues.
Time
 and
cost
 saving
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are very important in our lives so that's why we make the right decisions
such
 as renting a
house
 or buying a
house
.
This
 is leading to good our lifestyles.
Submitted by mjifinanceassistant on

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logical structure
Your essay demonstrates a poor logical structure which affects its overall coherence and cohesion. It is necessary to have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and the following sentences should support that idea.
introduction and conclusion present
In terms of introduction and conclusion, the essay fails to present clear introductory and concluding paragraphs. Make sure the introduction sets the stage for the discussion and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay.
supported main points
The main points of the essay lack effective support. It is important to develop your arguments clearly and provide specific examples or evidence for each point you make to strengthen your essay's effectiveness.
complete response
Task achievement is limited; the essay loosely addresses the topic without fully developing a clear or comprehensive response. Aim to discuss the question directly and offer a more structured answer.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas in the essay are somewhat clear but are not developed comprehensively. To enhance task achievement, elaborate on your ideas more effectively and make sure they are directly related to the question prompt.
relevant specific examples
You have attempted to use examples, but they are not always relevant or specific enough to support your points. Work on incorporating examples that are directly related to your main arguments and help to illustrate your points clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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