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Band 3.5

Large members of visitors can endanger ancient archeological sites such as Machu Plcchu. In your opinion, is it more important to try to preserve such sites or allow public access to them?

#members #visitors #sites #machu #plcchu #access
Machu Picchu is one of the most interesting places for tourists ,
however
, it has been endangered by a huge number of individuals , so , there are limitations for sensitive locations on that , so ,during many years ,
this
 monument has been preserved ,so,limited
accessible
Replace the word
accessibility
show examples
 to specific monument is a good solution to protect them , because, their architecture might be going to destroyed by a lot of numbers of visitors ,because, the foundation of these buildings are too old . Repairing these archaeological sites must put in priorities of each society to heal them ,
for example
, there are many museums that are restricted from accepting more than 1000 visitors per week ,but, changes in
this
 structure are unwanted and are not directly related to
number
Add an article
the number
a number
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 of visitors , Each building has a specific time for being alive like creatures ,
however
, our cares and actions could keep them for a long time ,but,
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will someday
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
vanish,
for example
,many engineers are trying to preserve Pizza Tower in Italy ,but ,in each year ,it has been more deviated of before and it is inevitable that it has vanished,so , pay attention to protect the wealth of past is important ,but, we must learn from them at
this
 time with cautious,so, some creative mind are able to build a new Machu Pichuu by aspiration of the original place .
Submitted by h.ebrahimi66 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are vital for structuring the argument effectively. Make sure to start with an introductory paragraph that presents the topic and your thesis statement. Finish with a concluding paragraph that summarizes your points and restates your opinion.
Coherence
Work on developing a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use a range of cohesive devices to help the reader understand the relationship between ideas.
Main Point Support
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant explanations or examples. Expand on your ideas fully to show a depth of analysis.
Task Response
The response to the task needs to be more complete. Address all parts of the prompt by discussing both the importance of preserving the sites and the value of public access, and then give a clear opinion.
Clarity & Detail
Ideas and examples need to be clearer and more comprehensive. Avoid vague statements and provide concrete details to illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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