Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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It is argued that a number of

children

Use synonyms

spend some

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

on their

smartphones

Use synonyms

regularly.

This

Linking Words

happens

due to

Linking Words

several reasons, namely the advertisement of technology and the

entertainment

Use synonyms

offered by utilizing

Use synonyms

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

. I wholeheartedly believe that

this

Linking Words

phenomenon

impacting

Wrong verb form

impacts

show examples

the younger generation negatively even though there might be a few positive results as well. It is legitimate that

children

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these days own

smartphones

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and

use

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them daily. The predominant reason for

this

Linking Words

due to

Linking Words

the advancement of technology.

Smartphone

Use synonyms

is fairly small in

site

Correct your spelling

size

show examples

, yet we can almost do many things with it. Its efficiency has caused people, including

children

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, to carry it and

use

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it everywhere.

Further

Linking Words

, the internet plays a crucial role in the popularity of

smartphones

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among

children

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. With a connected device, they are able to access the internet freely. Chatting with friends, watching

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

, playing online games, creating social media

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

, and calling their parents are some of the prime examples of the

use

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Correct article usage

a smartphone

show examples

smartphone

Correct article usage

a smartphone

show examples

Thus

Linking Words

, it is justifiable for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young people to spend much time on their phones since there are many things they can benefit from it. Subsequent to that, many

children

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love

smartphones

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because of the

entertainment

Use synonyms

offered by them. The youth these days are glued to their phones to

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

their needs to be entertained.

This

Linking Words

is why online games have become very popular as

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can be easily accessed through

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

Similarly

Linking Words

, it has been proven that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

teenagers

made

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

most users

for

Change preposition

show examples

tiktok

Correct your spelling

TikTok

Hence

Linking Words

, many

children

Use synonyms

use

Use synonyms

their

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

to dive

Change preposition

into

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social media for

entertainment

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purpose

Fix the agreement mistake

purposes

show examples

. Even though there might be some positive impact of the

use

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smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

for

children

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. I think its negative impacts outweigh the goods.

Children

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have become less physically active because they prefer to sit and play with their phones.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the researcher

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

on-going

Correct your spelling

ongoing

show examples

study in

regards

Fix the agreement mistake

regard

show examples

to the

short-attention

Correct your spelling

short attention

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span of

this

Linking Words

young generation. They

are seeing

Wrong verb form

see

show examples

a connection between the attention span of the

children

Use synonyms

and the time spent on

smartphones

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. To recapitulate, there are main causes of why

children

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tend to spend hours each day on

phone

Correct article usage

the phone

show examples

This

Linking Words

are

Change the verb form

show examples

driven by the efficiency of using

internet

Add an article

the internet

show examples

as well as

Linking Words

entertainment

Use synonyms

purpose

Fix the agreement mistake

purposes

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

my view,

this

Linking Words

phenomenon leads to many negative

impact

Change to a plural noun

impacts

show examples

on the

children

Use synonyms

’s well-being.

e.warikarFri Dec 22 2023

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task achievement

Your essay mostly addresses the topic, but it falls short on fully fleshing out the reasons and implications related to children's use of smartphones. Expand on the impact of technology on children and offer more in-depth analysis and discussion to enhance the task response.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay could be improved by better organization of ideas and more effective paragraph transitions. Provide clearer topic sentences and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next for improved cohesion.

coherence cohesion

In terms of supporting your main points, aim to incorporate a more diverse range of examples and evidence. This will strengthen the argument and provide a firmer grounding for your views on the subject matter.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

384 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is a natural process that some animal species are extinct (e.g. dinosaur and dodos no longer exist). There is no reason that some people try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, children spend longer hours on their homework. Some people think less homework can help to reduce the stress of the children and give them chance to develop their other skills. Do you agree or disagree.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this

Most people in the world have to work to earn a living. However, many people work only for the financial gain that it involves, and not for any other rewards that a job can offer. What do you think the main consideration when deciding what job to take should be?