IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You recently visited a dog park and were disturbed by the lack of control the owners imposed on their dogs, making them dangerous for everyone around. Write an email to your local municipality in about 150-200 words. Your email should include the following things: • Describe the situation • Explain why the dogs were a danger to others • Propose a solution

#dog #park #lack #control #owners #dogs #email #municipality #situation #danger
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear Sir/Madam The purpose of my writing today is to inform you about a dog
park
Use synonyms
 complaint there are multiple owners imposed on their dogs, It's making it dangerous for everyone around the
park
Use synonyms
. I recently visited
this
Linking Words
park
Use synonyms
 with my daughter. We were roaming in here and there in the
park
Use synonyms
 and suddenly one dag had attacked my baby girl. That was a very dangerous situation for me I had to try to resolve
this
Linking Words
 from my end
Furthermore
Linking Words
 there are no security guards available to protect people in
this
Linking Words
 stressful time.
This
Linking Words
Park
Use synonyms
 is a danger to others Most of the time senior citizens and kids are continuously coming into
this
Linking Words
park
Use synonyms
. Because near
this
Linking Words
park
Use synonyms
 most of the good shops and vegetable markets are available.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the municipality team has to take control of
this
Linking Words
 location.
This
Linking Words
 will be helpful for people. As per my point of you in
this
Linking Words
 garden, a security guard is required who is take care of
this
Linking Words
park
Use synonyms
 and dog and some gods are in infected that municipality team have take it another location so another gad will be safe and it will not dangerous for others. I hope your team will take every action on dangerous things. Your cooperation in
this
Linking Words
 matter is greatly appreciated
further
Linking Words
, an open line of communication, from your side in
this
Linking Words
 case would greatly help out. Yours Sincerely, Aakansah Tiwari
Submitted by t.akanksha.mba on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and proper logical structure, making it difficult to follow. To improve coherence, consider organizing ideas more systematically by starting with an introduction that sets the context, followed by body paragraphs presenting each issue and your proposed solutions clearly.
coherence cohesion
There is a lack of introduction and conclusion that clearly states the purpose of the email and the expected outcome. Make sure to include an introductory phrase that leads into the content of the email and a concluding sentence that wraps up your request or conveys a call to action.
coherence cohesion
While the essay does mention the main points around dog control issues, the argument is weak and unsupported. Enhance your argument by providing more explicit examples and clearer explanations of the dangers posed by the dogs and how exactly these could be mitigated with your solutions.
task achievement
You have addressed the task; however, the response is not completely developed. To fully meet the task achievement criteria, ensure that you provide a more comprehensive description of the situation by including specific examples and clearly explaining why the dogs were a danger.
task achievement
The ideas presented are somewhat relevant but lack clarity and comprehensiveness. It is crucial to clearly articulate the specific concerns and reasons why dogs without supervision are problematic, so the municipality can take appropriate action.
task achievement
While you mentioned a personal experience, the essay needs more relevant and specific examples of the dangers caused by unsupervised dogs. Concrete instances will substantiate your claims and help illustrate the severity of the situation to the municipality.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: