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Band 4.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.

#countries #home #people
Nowadays,
people
 contemplate more
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 they should buy or
rent
 a
house
. In numerous countries, it is vital for
people
 to own one rather than
renting
Wrong verb form
rent
show examples
 it. Both ways have their advantages and disadvantages. In my
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
, owning
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one is more beneficial in many ways
such
 as financial and social status. There are reasons to support the claim.
To begin
 with, purchasing a
house
 is a huge payment. It usually takes a legion of years to complete the
installment
Change the spelling
instalment
show examples
.
Thus
,
people
 who can afford a
house
 would be the
people
 who have no monetary issues.
This
 will make the owner of the
house
 have a better place in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as they are financially successful.
Moreover
,
this
 might
also
 have a good impact on some
people
’s
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 who need to gain
trust
Correct article usage
the trust
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
,
for example
, investors. By owning a
house
, they would look more trustworthy;
hence
,
people
 will believe what they say or suggest, meaning more
people
 will be confident enough to invest with them.
In addition
, buying a
house
 is considered a positive — it is a kind of investment. Even though you are no longer living there, you can still let someone
rent
 it. If someone is renting your
house
, they will have to pay the
rent
 to you every month.
This
 means that you will constantly gain some money from letting
people
rent
 your
house
.
This
 will be the other way of gaining money apart from your main job. In conclusion, owning a
house
 has a variety of advantages. The owner will have a better place in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
look
Correct word choice
and look
show examples
 more trustworthy.
Furthermore
, it is
also
 an investment.
Therefore
, it is not surprising that, in some countries, it is essential for
people
 to have their own
house
.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Make sure to include an introduction and conclusion that clearly define the scope of the essay and summarize the main points without introducing new arguments.
coherence cohesion
Support each of your main points with specific, detailed examples. If necessary, do so by extending or developing your ideas further to add depth to your arguments.
task achievement
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task achievement
Your ideas should be clear, well-thought-out, and comprehensive. Ensure each paragraph explores its main idea thoroughly, and contributes to the overall position of the essay.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to substantiate your points. Examples should be pertinent and enrich the arguments you are presenting in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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