IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more people today are using computers and electronic devices to access information. Therefore there is no need to print books, magazines and newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an increasing number of individuals who use electronic means in order to get informed. It can be
therefore
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 discussed that there is no need for printed media
such
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 as journals and
books
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. I definitely agree with
this
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 idea and in
this
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 essay, I will explain my beliefs. On the one hand, it is accepted by the majority of people that
paper
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books
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 and media can not be completely omitted from our daily lives as they are essential for the learning process in schools. Children are not grown enough to be taught bookless and their eyesight will be damaged using electronic devices.
Additionally
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, there are several companies which are working in these industries whose workers are in unemployment threat. Governments will be suffering from the rising rate of jobless individuals. As an illustration, the "Green House" publication has stopped working recently
due to
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 the lack of demand for printed
books
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 and magazines.
On the other hand
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, it is generally acknowledged that reading ebooks and other electronic articles can play a significant role in preventing logging
trees
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 for the aim of producing
paper
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. It is obvious that a considerable amount of green areas have been destroyed by the
paper
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 industry so far.
For instance
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,
according to
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 research, for making a 100-page book we need to cut down 4
trees
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 and when we multiply it by the number of
books
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 it will be an unbelievably high number of
trees
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 which must be logged.
Furthermore
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, the rate of reading is boosted by introducing e-media to the states. Those who have to spend most of their efficient time commuting by public transportation can simply join the readers by means of their small handy smartphones.So, all in all, substituting printed
books
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 with electronic ones provides satisfaction for environmentalists in terms of saving more
trees
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 which are the Earth's lungs and
also
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 the culture of reading will grow among people.
To conclude
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,
although
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 some people consider that
paper
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books
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 and media are underlying roots for educational purposes, I am of the opinion that saving green areas is so valuable that we should cope with the difficulties stemming from reading electronic articles and
books
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.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within that paragraph support or expand upon that idea. This will strengthen the cohesion of your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Continue to use transitions effectively to guide the reader through your arguments, but try to vary your transitions to avoid repetition and to enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Response
Integrating a wider variety of sentence structures and vocabulary can further enhance the complexity and formality of your writing, aligning it with the expectations of higher-band scores.
Task Response
For an even stronger position, consider addressing potential counterarguments more directly and providing refutations. This demonstrates critical thinking and a deeper engagement with the topic.
Task Achievement
You have provided a clear opinion and backed it up with solid reasoning and examples, which is excellent for task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs with distinct ideas, and a conclusion that restates your main points and opinion, contributing positively to both coherence and task response.
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