IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kid of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Few countries across the globe experience an upward trend in the number of
people
Use synonyms
 suffering from
health
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isssues
Correct your spelling
issues
, because of the
over consumption
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
show examples
 of
junk
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food
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. Imposing higher taxes by the authorities on
such
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 kind of
food
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 can tackle
this
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 challenge. I completely agree with the above statement. In
this
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 essay, I will
ellucidate
Correct your spelling
elucidate
 the aforementioned problem, and
at the end
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, I will ultimately express my own school of thought.
To begin
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 with, the main reason behind
people
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 consuming
great
Add an article
a great
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 amount of fast
food
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include
Verb problem
is
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 availability. A number of individuals prefer to eat
such
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food
Use synonyms
, for they are easily available in different shops. When they get back to their residencies after hectic office work, they find it difficult to cook something to eat, so they go for ordering fast
food
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, which comes to their
door step
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doorstep
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 after a very short period of time. For illustration,
according to
Linking Words
 the survey by Express Tribune,
majority
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the majority
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 of the citizens of
Europeon
Correct your spelling
European
 countries lack the time for cooking , they buy burgers and consume
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 on the way to
office
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the office
show examples
.
As a result
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, the rise of
junk
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food
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 has been seen among the masses
overtime
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over time
show examples
.
On the other hand
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,
this
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over use
Correct your spelling
overuse
show examples
 of fast
food
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 led to some detrimental
health
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 issues. A certain number of
people
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experiencing
Wrong verb form
experience
show examples
 problems in their digestion, for
junk
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food
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 very dangerous to our stomach, it results in lowering the quantity of Gastric acid. If proper heed is not paid to
this
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 issue, it can grow and will prevail over a large portion of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. The authorities should crumple
this
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 challenge by taking measures in
form
Correct article usage
the form
show examples
 of implementing higher taxes on
such
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 edibles. To be more precise, sessions should be arranged by the local government to spread awareness among the
people
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 about the hazardous repercussions of
junk
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food
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. For illustration, the KSA has banned the production of fast
food
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 inside the country to encounter the
health
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 issues associated with
junk
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 edibles.
Therefore
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, necessary steps should be taken by officials to preserve the
health
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 of their nationals.
To sum up
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, I opine that
junk
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food
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 is not energetic and full of calories as compared to traditional edibles,
in addition
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 to that, it
also
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cause
Change the verb form
causes
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 severe
illnes
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illnesses
 or
damaging
Wrong verb form
damages
show examples
 the inner body. If the officials implement strict rules and
imposing
Wrong verb form
impose
show examples
 taxes regarding over consumption
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junk
Change preposition
of junk
show examples
food
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,
people
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 will abstain
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from it and will live healthy and fit
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly follows from the previous one, using transition phrases and clear topic sentences to guide the reader. The logical structure of the essay is somewhat inconsistent and can be improved for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and show a clear stance on the topic, which is excellent. Make sure the conclusion wraps up all points succinctly and reinforces the thesis without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
While main points are somewhat supported with examples, it's important to directly link your examples to the thesis statement and clarify how they provide evidence for your arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt with a clear opinion stated. To enhance your task achievement score, ensure each paragraph directly responds to the question and focuses on the argument rather than peripheral details.
task achievement
Ideas are presented with some clarity but occasionally become muddled by less pertinent information or poor wording. Strive for conciseness and clarity by focusing solely on relevant details and avoiding tangents.
task achievement
The use of examples is good and helps to support your points. However, be careful to select examples that are indisputably relevant and credible. Ensure that your examples are well-integrated into the essay and add direct substance to your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Prevalence
  • Deterrent
  • Consumption
  • Revenue
  • Public health initiatives
  • Lower-income populations
  • Government intervention
  • Taxation
  • Nutrition
  • Sedentary lifestyles
  • Junk food tax
  • Access
  • Affordability
  • Health issues
  • Fair means
What to do next:
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