IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that schools should focus mainly on academic subjects such as mathematics and science. Others believe that subjects such as music, art, and sports are equally important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In modern times, tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role in individuals' lives and contributes to the
development
Use synonyms
 of society.
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that schools should focus mainly on academic
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics and science, others believe that
subjects
Use synonyms
 like music, art, and sports are equally important.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own view. On the one hand, the goal of the
education
Use synonyms
 system is to facilitate lifelong learning and improve people's quality of life. Through a curriculum that includes a broad range of
subjects
Use synonyms
, pupils acquire not only theoretical knowledge but
also
Linking Words
 essential skills for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as critical thinking, problem-solving, independent learning, and analytical and cognitive abilities. If these
subjects
Use synonyms
 are given equal importance, they can form a strong foundation for success in many aspects of life.
For instance
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 mathematics and science enhance intellectual
development
Use synonyms
 and logical reasoning, music, art, and sports
education
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in emotional well-being, fostering creativity, building self-confidence, promoting physical health, and aiding stress management,
in addition
Linking Words
 to enhancing artistic ability.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, not only do academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 enhance intellectual
development
Use synonyms
, but they
also
Linking Words
 contribute to technological advancement. These disciplines are fundamental to technological and scientific progress, equipping individuals with problem-solving abilities that are essential for innovation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, strong foundations in fields
such
Linking Words
 as medicine, engineering, and information technology often lead to highly sought-after and well-paid careers, which can significantly improve individuals’ career prospects and contribute to
overall
Linking Words
 economic growth. In conclusion, it is widely acknowledged that all
subjects
Use synonyms
 are essential for both career prospects and societal
development
Use synonyms
. A well-designed curriculum can greatly enhance technological and economic progress
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 fostering creativity, social understanding, and a healthy and fulfilling life. From my perspective, students should receive a balanced
education
Use synonyms
 in which all
subjects
Use synonyms
 are given equal importance.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more clearly. You discuss both views, but the first body part mixes many ideas and your own view is not strong until the end.
task response
Give one or two more specific examples. Your essay has only one general example, so some ideas feel broad.
task response
Develop each main point more deeply. Some sentences list many benefits, but they are not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In body 1, you join many points together, so the focus is less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Your essay flows well, but some links could be simpler and more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Make the contrast between paragraph 1 and paragraph 2 stronger. This will help the reader follow your discussion more easily.
task response
You answer the full question and give your opinion in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are connected in a logical order, so the essay is easy to follow.
task response
Your points are relevant to the topic and stay on task.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: