IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
There is no denying the fact that
science
 has been always a crucial part of enhancing humans'
lives
.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that the most critical goal of
science
 should be improving
people
's
lives
, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that
science
 should always aim to improve our
lives
.
To begin
 with,
science
 is a crucial aspect in several fields that are concerned with saving
people
.
In other words
, nowadays with the numerous diseases that humans suffer from, by using
science
, we can tackle these issues and save souls.
In addition
, there is nothing more important than health which could be lost in some cases, if
science
 does not provide the cure
as well as
 the medicine
that is
 required to save our health.
For example
, each and every year there are many types of research are done to discover cures for several illnesses
such
 as cancer. Another point to consider,
science
 has led us to numerous innovations that make enhancement in our
lives
 in many aspects. It is
also
 possible to say that one of these Innovations is technology, which has helped to improve social life.
Moreover
, communication has become easier than ever and encourages
people
 to enhance their social life and all of
this
 is
due to
science
 development.
For instance
, in the past humans suffered from a lack of communication with
people
 who lived
faraway
Correct your spelling
far away
show examples
,
however
, technology has solved
this
 problem and made us closer. In conclusion, despite
people
 having different views, I believe that since
science
 is a major part of many sectors that are related to
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
 the quality of lifestyles ,
then
 the main concern for
science
 should be Improving lifestyles.
Submitted by marim.almualim on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction could be slightly more engaging and stronger by clearly outlining the structure of the essay.
task achievement
There is a minor grammatical error in the introduction: 'has been always' should be 'has always been'. These errors don't significantly affect comprehension, but polishing them could improve your essay.
task achievement
Consider making the essay a bit more balanced by addressing more potential counterarguments. This shows a deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Strong conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively.
task achievement
Your points are well-supported with relevant and specific examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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