IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some country may have become much richer than others. Richer countries should now help poorer countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, many
nations
Use synonyms
 are rich as compared to others,
hence
Linking Words
, wealthy
countries
Use synonyms
 should assist
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poorer
nations
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion because it creates
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
harmony
Replace the word
harmonious
show examples
relationship
Use synonyms
 between these two territories and explain why I support
this
Linking Words
 statement for the following reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, wealthy
nations
Use synonyms
 should help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poorer
nations
Use synonyms
 because it maintains the good
relationship
Use synonyms
 between these two
nations
Use synonyms
. To clarify,
poor
Add an article
the poor
a poor
show examples
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 should need other
Use synonyms
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
help
Add the particle
to help
show examples
 who
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 rich in
order
Use synonyms
 to they can satisfy their citizen's fundamental needs like education and
helathcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
 amenities.
For example
Linking Words
, the USA donates $10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 to Africa
for providing
Change preposition
to provide
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better sanitary and education for their residents in
order
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 these
countries
Use synonyms
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
mutual
Add an article
a mutual
show examples
relationship
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, richer
nations
Use synonyms
 should help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poorer
nations
Use synonyms
 in
order
Use synonyms
 to they can get fundamental needs as much as others.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, wealthy
nations
Use synonyms
 should help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poor
countries
Use synonyms
 because it brings win-win
benefits
Use synonyms
 to
both
Use synonyms
 of them.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 rich
nations
Use synonyms
 help
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
financially meanwhile poor
countries
Use synonyms
 send their citizens to work and develop the wealthy nation's infrastructure.
For instance
Linking Words
, the UK has given money as help to Sri Lanka for a better standard of education
while
Linking Words
 many Sri Lankans travelled to the UK
for doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
 work and progress
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
nations
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 gives
both
Use synonyms
 sides
benefits
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
, rich
nations
Use synonyms
 should help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poor
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 in
order
Use synonyms
 to
both
Use synonyms
 these
nations
Use synonyms
 get
benefits
Use synonyms
 from
this
Linking Words
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, richer territories should assist
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poorer
nations
Use synonyms
 because it creates
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
harmony
Replace the word
harmonious
show examples
relationship
Use synonyms
 between these two
nations
Use synonyms
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
brings win-win
benefits
Use synonyms
 to
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
both
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I hope
this
Linking Words
 drive brings more
benefits
Use synonyms
 to society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a relevant position concerning the topic but could be further enhanced by ensuring that the position taken is thoroughly consistent throughout the essay. Avoid ambiguity and ensure that your argument remains clear and unwavering from introduction to conclusion.
task achievement
Your main ideas are generally relevant but are at times repetitive or not sufficiently developed. In order to improve, provide distinct and fleshed-out ideas, uncoupled from repetitiveness, which are underpinned by varied and in-depth supporting examples.
task achievement
You have provided some examples, yet these are not always specific or fully relevant to the topic. Aim to include examples that are directly linked to your main arguments and elaborate on them to illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic organizational structure with an introduction and conclusion. However, there is a lack of a comprehensive introductory paragraph. To score higher, please ensure you include a proper introduction that clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed in your essay. The conclusion should also reflect the arguments presented and provide closure to the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical sequence in some parts of the essay; yet, it occasionally lacks coherence because of underdeveloped ideas or abrupt transitions. Improve the logical flow by planning the essay layout beforehand, ensuring each paragraph naturally progresses from one to the next, and utilizing cohesive devices effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay utilizes linking words and phrases, but these are at times repetitive or inaccurately applied, which may potentially lead to confusion for the reader. Work on varying your use of cohesive devices and ensuring they accurately connect thoughts and paragraphs.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: