Some country may have become much richer than others. Richer countries should now help poorer countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days, many
nations
are rich as compared to others, hence
, wealthy countries
should assist to
poorer Change preposition
apply
nations
. I strongly agree with this
notion because it creates the
Correct article usage
a
harmony
Replace the word
harmonious
relationship
between these two territories and explain why I support this
statement for the following reasons.
To begin
with, wealthy nations
should help to
poorer Change preposition
apply
nations
because it maintains the good relationship
between these two nations
. To clarify, poor
Add an article
the poor
a poor
nation
should need other Fix the agreement mistake
nations
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
help
who Add the particle
to help
in
rich in Correct your spelling
is
order
to they can satisfy their citizen's fundamental needs like education and helathcare
amenities. Correct your spelling
healthcare
For example
, the USA donates $10 millions
to Africa Change to singular
million
for providing
Change preposition
to provide
a
better sanitary and education for their residents in Correct article usage
apply
order
to
Change preposition
for
both
these countries
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
mutual
Add an article
a mutual
relationship
. Hence
, richer nations
should help for
poorer Change preposition
apply
nations
in order
to they can get fundamental needs as much as others.
Furthermore
, wealthy nations
should help to
poor Change preposition
apply
countries
because it brings win-win benefits
to both
of them. This
is because,
rich Remove the comma
apply
nations
help by
financially meanwhile poor Change preposition
apply
countries
send their citizens to work and develop the wealthy nation's infrastructure. For instance
, the UK has given money as help to Sri Lanka for a better standard of education while
many Sri Lankans travelled to the UK for doing
work and progress Change preposition
to do
their
Change preposition
in their
nations
. This
gives both
sides benefits
, therefore
, rich nations
should help to
poor Change preposition
apply
country
in Fix the agreement mistake
countries
order
to both
these nations
get benefits
from this
.
To conclude
, richer territories should assist to
poorer Change preposition
apply
nations
because it creates the
Correct article usage
a
harmony
Replace the word
harmonious
relationship
between these two nations
and it
brings win-win Correct pronoun usage
apply
benefits
to these
Correct determiner usage
apply
both
countries
. Therefore
, I strongly agree with this
statement and I hope this
drive brings more benefits
to society.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a relevant position concerning the topic but could be further enhanced by ensuring that the position taken is thoroughly consistent throughout the essay. Avoid ambiguity and ensure that your argument remains clear and unwavering from introduction to conclusion.
task achievement
Your main ideas are generally relevant but are at times repetitive or not sufficiently developed. In order to improve, provide distinct and fleshed-out ideas, uncoupled from repetitiveness, which are underpinned by varied and in-depth supporting examples.
task achievement
You have provided some examples, yet these are not always specific or fully relevant to the topic. Aim to include examples that are directly linked to your main arguments and elaborate on them to illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic organizational structure with an introduction and conclusion. However, there is a lack of a comprehensive introductory paragraph. To score higher, please ensure you include a proper introduction that clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed in your essay. The conclusion should also reflect the arguments presented and provide closure to the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical sequence in some parts of the essay; yet, it occasionally lacks coherence because of underdeveloped ideas or abrupt transitions. Improve the logical flow by planning the essay layout beforehand, ensuring each paragraph naturally progresses from one to the next, and utilizing cohesive devices effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay utilizes linking words and phrases, but these are at times repetitive or inaccurately applied, which may potentially lead to confusion for the reader. Work on varying your use of cohesive devices and ensuring they accurately connect thoughts and paragraphs.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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