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Writing Samples
Band 5

in some cultures children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantagges and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #advantagges #message
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Some people with various cultural backgrounds tell
children
 that they are capable of doing anything in the world if they try hard.
This
mindset
 of grown people affects the way
children
 see life and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
behave in different circumstances. There are several pros and cons for
this
mindset
 which I'm going to discuss in
this
 paper.
Firstly
,
this
 attitude toward
children
 will boost their confidence level. They can believe in themselves and have faith in what they are doing. It
also
 reduces the stress they might face when starting to do something new in life. Because they believe that the only thing they should do is to try hard, and the result is guaranteed.
Last
 but not least with
this
mindset
,
children
 won’t feel insecure
to get
Change preposition
about getting
show examples
 out of their comfort zone because of the probability of unpredictable outcomes and they will be brave enough to try new things. But the probable disadvantages overtake the advantages of
this
 statement.
Children
 who grow up with
this
mindset
 mostly set unrealistic goals for themselves which can be damaging in
curtain
Correct your spelling
certain
show examples
 ways. They don’t think about the fields they can be successful in based on their talent and desire, but they
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 it out of
toxic
Correct article usage
the toxic
show examples
 confidence they have
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of
this
 belief.
Consequently
, they fail to achieve their goal because it
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 so idealistic,
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 they get disappointed in themselves. They might feel they are not enough or even suffer from insecurity or depression
as a result
 of
this
 failure. Most importantly, they might doubt their own judgment and decision-making power. Concludingly, presetting these statements as
children
’s
mindset
 can profit or hurt
children
 when it comes to entering adult life. So, the consequences of these statements should be listed in order to not get hurt by a specific way of belief.
Submitted by eyvaziniloofar on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay remains focused on the advantages and disadvantages of the topic without straying into unnecessary detail that might detract from the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Make use of a variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing to guide the reader through the arguments with clarity.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and explicit reasoning to strengthen the argument and make it more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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