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Band 4

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#money #time
It is better to have more
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 and lack of available
time
 than less
money
 and have free hours
longer
Rephrase
apply
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. Having good
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
 can help everybody to enjoy life and brings many advantages for others because they can help people with low socioeconomic. People believe that saving more wealth will have a good impact in the future and make their lives easier even though they have to
work
 more and less free moments today.
For example
, They have side jobs or other business after they
work
 from their office.
As a result
, they spend more
time
 at
work
nevertheless
 getting satisfaction
feel
Verb problem
apply
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and living easier. But at the same
time
, they
also
 need to think about free
time
 to take a rest, so need to balance between
work
 and personal life.
On the other hand
, there are many who believe that free
time
 is prime necessary so it is more important than working hard no matter how much
money
 they have.
For instance
, thinking about
that
Correct word choice
what
show examples
 wealth will not bring
when
Correct pronoun usage
them when
show examples
 they die,
furthermore
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they just
work
 as possible as they can,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means without thinking out of the box because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, feeling lazy will come in their life. In conclusion, I personally argue that having more
money
 and less free
time
 is better than having less
money
 and having more free
time
 because having much wealth can help our lives today and tomorrow and
also
 can help others who need help for their lives particularly people with low socioeconomic. Feeling satisfaction will come when we can help each other.
Submitted by aninratnasari on

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Structure
The essay should have a clear three-part structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, with each paragraph having a clear central topic that relates directly to the question prompt.
Linking
Linking words and transition phrases should be employed to ensure a smooth flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs, but they must be used accurately.
Task Response
The essay must completely address all parts of the task to ensure a high score. This means discussing both views thoroughly and providing a clear personal opinion.
Development of Ideas
Arguments should be fully elaborated with clear and specific examples to strengthen the main points and provide a comprehensive response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
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