People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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Joy is something that everybody wants to feel. Many
people
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indicate that the citizens can make their own joyfulness,
while
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others comment that other factors in life might
also
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contribute to humans' good
mood
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such
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as weather, surroundings and so on.
This
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essay will try to explore both sides and
at the end
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, I will share my point of view. On the one hand, in my opinion, human beings always should try to make themselves happy, even if they are in a bad situation, by doing their favourite activities
such
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as singing, dancing,
drawing
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and drawing
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, to name just a few.
Thus
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, there are various ways that contribute to
people
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being hilarious .
For example
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, my brother
comprehend
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comprehends
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how doing sports frequently can help him to maintain a good
mood
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.
Furthermore
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,
people
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who achieve their goals,
also
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we can consider
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be considered
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as a factor for being joyful .To be more clear, it gives society satisfaction which is followed by elation.
Thus
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,personal accomplishments
also
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might be a reason for the public to be happy. On the flip side, folk's
happiness
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might depend on their friends, relatives or even classmates. Saying thoroughly,
this
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type of individual's
behavior
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behaviour
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can give
people
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happiness
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or make them upset as well.
Hence
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, surrounding
people
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also
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might have a great influence on an individual's
mood
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.
Moreover
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,external factors
such
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as whether or environment play a crucial role in humans's cheerfulness as well.
For instance
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, when the weather is shiny and the clouds are clear, it is enough for me to boost my
mood
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and keep smiling throughout the day. Taking everything into account, the public can gain
happiness
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by doing plenty of leisure time activities
such
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as playing, doing some sport or setting an objective and trying to accomplish.
Therefore
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, humans are responsible for their
happiness
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.
Nevertheless
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,
surrounded
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surrounding
show examples
people
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and external factors are
also
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ways to make that person cheerful.
Submitted by alex.martirosyan201206 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. The logical structure of your essay is adequately maintained although it can be improved in some places for better clarity. Ensure each paragraph has one clear main idea and the sentences within it flow in a logical manner. Use cohesive devices appropriately, making sure they enhance the readability of the text rather than distract from it.
task achievement
You've addressed the task and included your opinion as required, showing the ability to discuss both views and provide a conclusion. To improve, make sure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Develop your ideas more comprehensively, providing further elaboration and depth to your arguments. Ensure that the examples you use are not only relevant but also detailed enough to effectively illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Self-reliance
  • Positive psychology
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Well-being
  • Mindset
  • Personal choices
  • Environmental factors
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Emotional resilience
  • Quality of life
  • Subjective well-being
  • External circumstances
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