People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #happiness #factors #life

Joy is something that everybody wants to feel. Many

people

indicate that the citizens can make their own joyfulness,

while

others comment that other factors in life might

also

contribute to humans' good

mood

such

as weather, surroundings and so on.

This

essay will try to explore both sides and

at the end

, I will share my point of view. On the one hand, in my opinion, human beings always should try to make themselves happy, even if they are in a bad situation, by doing their favourite activities

such

as singing, dancing,

drawing

Correct word choice

and drawing

show examples

, to name just a few.

Thus

, there are various ways that contribute to

people

being hilarious .

For example

, my brother

comprehend

Change the verb form

comprehends

show examples

how doing sports frequently can help him to maintain a good

mood

Furthermore

people

who achieve their goals,

also

we can consider

Wrong verb form

be considered

show examples

as a factor for being joyful .To be more clear, it gives society satisfaction which is followed by elation.

Thus

,personal accomplishments

also

might be a reason for the public to be happy. On the flip side, folk's

happiness

might depend on their friends, relatives or even classmates. Saying thoroughly,

this

type of individual's

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

can give

people

happiness

or make them upset as well.

Hence

, surrounding

people

also

might have a great influence on an individual's

mood

Moreover

,external factors

such

as whether or environment play a crucial role in humans's cheerfulness as well.

For instance

, when the weather is shiny and the clouds are clear, it is enough for me to boost my

mood

and keep smiling throughout the day. Taking everything into account, the public can gain

happiness

by doing plenty of leisure time activities

such

as playing, doing some sport or setting an objective and trying to accomplish.

Therefore

, humans are responsible for their

happiness

Nevertheless

surrounded

Wrong verb form

surrounding

show examples

people

and external factors are

also

ways to make that person cheerful.

Submitted by alex.martirosyan201206 on Fri Dec 22 2023

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coherence cohesion

Your essay shows a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. The logical structure of your essay is adequately maintained although it can be improved in some places for better clarity. Ensure each paragraph has one clear main idea and the sentences within it flow in a logical manner. Use cohesive devices appropriately, making sure they enhance the readability of the text rather than distract from it.

task achievement

You've addressed the task and included your opinion as required, showing the ability to discuss both views and provide a conclusion. To improve, make sure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Develop your ideas more comprehensively, providing further elaboration and depth to your arguments. Ensure that the examples you use are not only relevant but also detailed enough to effectively illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

301 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Self-reliance
Positive psychology
Socioeconomic status
Well-being
Mindset
Personal choices
Environmental factors
Interpersonal relationships
Emotional resilience
Quality of life
Subjective well-being
External circumstances

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People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In many nations , only a minority of young people are willing to do unpaid community service . There are many arguments that shows many negative outcomes because of this problem and the best solution are in demand .

Today more people are overweight than ever before . What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic?

These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages?