Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays
the
number of individuals believe that it is more important to take part in Correct article usage
a
sports
which are played in teams, while
others argue taking part in individual sports
is more beneficial. From my point of view , both opinions are correct and it is better for people
to attend various activities in order to achieve wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
as well as
personal development.
There are several reasons why people
believe that take part in sports
which are played in teams such
as football, volleyball and basketball. Firstly
team
-based activities provide handy skills
which are advantageous for people
in their daily lives. Players have to cooperate with each other to score goals and win the game. It is
Unnecessary verb
apply
also
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
team work
ability, which Correct your spelling
teamwork
play
Change the verb form
plays
major
role in Add an article
a major
job
Correct your spelling
a
carrier
. The second reason is conversations during Correct your spelling
career
team based
Add a hyphen
team-based
sports
, hence
, social skills
such
as communication and interpersonal skills
will be enhanced. Another point that can be taken into consideration is that playing in teams promotes team
spirit and strengthens friendships. These are extremely useful for personal development, especially for children.
On the other
hand
there are numerous advantages that Add a comma
hand,
people
can gain through personal sports
such
as swimming, chess and tennis. First
Correct article usage
The first
benefits
is that Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
this
Change the determiner
these
sports
improve independence and creativity in children’s mind
. Fix the agreement mistake
minds
People
have to construct own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
plan
and use Fix the agreement mistake
plans
own
strategies to win over Correct pronoun usage
their own
another
. Correct quantifier usage
others
Additionally
the achievements gained from these Add a comma
Additionally,
sports
can be strong motivation for individuals as they are the result of individual discipline and effort. Another advantage is these sports
is
more comfortable for Change the verb form
are
people
who are introverted and prefer working alone, hence
, they can use their all potential.
In conclusion, each type of sport has its own merits for players. Team based
Add a hyphen
Team-based
sports
improve social and teamwork skills
, while
personal sports
improve creativity and independence. From my point of view
Add a comma
view,
people
should prefer the sport in which they can use all of their potential
.Change to a plural noun
potentials
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task achievement
The essay sufficiently addresses all parts of the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, it could be improved by relaying more specific examples to support arguments, as well as ensuring a more comprehensive approach to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a clear organization of ideas and the use of cohesive devices is noticeable. To improve, consider varied and accurate usage of linking phrases/words and structure paragraphs for stronger emphasis on main points.