Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays
the
number of individuals believe that it is more important to take part in Correct article usage
a
sports
which are played in teams, Use synonyms
while
others argue taking part in individual Linking Words
sports
is more beneficial. From my point of view , both opinions are correct and it is better for Use synonyms
people
to attend various activities in order to achieve Use synonyms
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
as well as
personal development.
There are several reasons why Linking Words
people
believe that take part in Use synonyms
sports
which are played in teams Use synonyms
such
as football, volleyball and basketball. Linking Words
Firstly
Linking Words
team
-based activities provide handy Use synonyms
skills
which are advantageous for Use synonyms
people
in their daily lives. Players have to cooperate with each other to score goals and win the game. It Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
also
Linking Words
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
Use synonyms
team work
ability, which Correct your spelling
teamwork
play
Change the verb form
plays
major
role in Add an article
a major
job
Correct your spelling
a
carrier
. The second reason is conversations during Correct your spelling
career
Use synonyms
team based
Add a hyphen
team-based
sports
, Use synonyms
hence
, social Linking Words
skills
Use synonyms
such
as communication and interpersonal Linking Words
skills
will be enhanced. Another point that can be taken into consideration is that playing in teams promotes Use synonyms
team
spirit and strengthens friendships. These are extremely useful for personal development, especially for children.
Use synonyms
On the other
Linking Words
hand
there are numerous advantages that Add a comma
hand,
people
can gain through personal Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
such
as swimming, chess and tennis. Linking Words
First
Correct article usage
The first
benefits
is that Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
sports
improve independence and creativity in children’s Use synonyms
mind
. Fix the agreement mistake
minds
People
have to construct Use synonyms
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
plan
and use Fix the agreement mistake
plans
own
strategies to win over Correct pronoun usage
their own
another
. Correct quantifier usage
others
Linking Words
Additionally
the achievements gained from these Add a comma
Additionally,
sports
can be strong motivation for individuals as they are the result of individual discipline and effort. Another advantage is these Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
is
more comfortable for Change the verb form
are
people
who are introverted and prefer working alone, Use synonyms
hence
, they can use their all potential.
In conclusion, each type of sport has its own merits for players. Linking Words
Use synonyms
Team based
Add a hyphen
Team-based
sports
improve social and teamwork Use synonyms
skills
, Use synonyms
while
personal Linking Words
sports
improve creativity and independence. From my point of Use synonyms
view
Add a comma
view,
people
should prefer the sport in which they can use all of their Use synonyms
potential
.Change to a plural noun
potentials
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The essay sufficiently addresses all parts of the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, it could be improved by relaying more specific examples to support arguments, as well as ensuring a more comprehensive approach to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a clear organization of ideas and the use of cohesive devices is noticeable. To improve, consider varied and accurate usage of linking phrases/words and structure paragraphs for stronger emphasis on main points.