Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays
the
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a
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number of individuals believe that it is more important to take part in
sports
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which are played in teams,
while
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others argue taking part in individual
sports
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is more beneficial. From my point of view , both opinions are correct and it is better for
people
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to attend various activities in order to achieve
wellbeing
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well-being
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as well as
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personal development. There are several reasons why
people
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believe that take part in
sports
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which are played in teams
such
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as football, volleyball and basketball.
Firstly
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team
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-based activities provide handy
skills
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which are advantageous for
people
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in their daily lives. Players have to cooperate with each other to score goals and win the game. It
is
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apply
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also
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improve
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improves
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Use synonyms
team work
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teamwork
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ability, which
play
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plays
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major
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a major
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role in
job
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a
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carrier
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career
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. The second reason is conversations during
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team based
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team-based
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sports
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,
hence
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, social
skills
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such
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as communication and interpersonal
skills
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will be enhanced. Another point that can be taken into consideration is that playing in teams promotes
team
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spirit and strengthens friendships. These are extremely useful for personal development, especially for children.
On the other
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hand
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hand,
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there are numerous advantages that
people
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can gain through personal
sports
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such
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as swimming, chess and tennis.
First
Correct article usage
The first
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benefits
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benefit
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is that
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this
Change the determiner
these
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sports
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improve independence and creativity in children’s
mind
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minds
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.
People
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have to construct
own
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their own
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plan
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plans
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and use
own
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their own
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strategies to win over
another
Correct quantifier usage
others
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.
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Additionally
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Additionally,
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the achievements gained from these
sports
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can be strong motivation for individuals as they are the result of individual discipline and effort. Another advantage is these
sports
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is
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are
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more comfortable for
people
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who are introverted and prefer working alone,
hence
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, they can use their all potential. In conclusion, each type of sport has its own merits for players.
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Team based
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Team-based
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sports
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improve social and teamwork
skills
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,
while
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personal
sports
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improve creativity and independence. From my point of
view
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view,
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people
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should prefer the sport in which they can use all of their
potential
Change to a plural noun
potentials
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.
Submitted by hebibli.eli on

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task achievement
The essay sufficiently addresses all parts of the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, it could be improved by relaying more specific examples to support arguments, as well as ensuring a more comprehensive approach to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a clear organization of ideas and the use of cohesive devices is noticeable. To improve, consider varied and accurate usage of linking phrases/words and structure paragraphs for stronger emphasis on main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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