Nowadays, most countries can improve the standard of living through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?
In
this
modern era, the standard of living for the majority of countries has increased through economic avenues, however
Add a comma
however,
this
has compromised our social values. In this
essay, I will discuss why there are more pros to this
notion rather than cons and form a conclusion.
Firstly
, the industrialisation of a nation provides many benefits for the population as a whole. For instance
, investment into
healthcare or educational facilities generates a prosperous society. People will gradually become more educated, obtain Change preposition
in
first class
degrees and secure Add a hyphen
first-class
top class
occupations. Add a hyphen
top-class
Furthermore
, there will be an influx of medical professionals as well as
a
Change the article
an
overall
healthier population. This
will not ony
cause Correct your spelling
only
above average
satisfaction levels for the residents, but Add a hyphen
above-average
also
a thriving economy for the country. Secondly
, financial funds harvested into the tourism sector of a nation results
in another great economic benefit. Monetary sanctions geared towards attractions, like Disneyland promote people from all across the globe Correct subject-verb agreement
result
as well as
those who already reside in the country. This
means that,
there is more funding for investment within one’s own nation Remove the comma
apply
as a result
of significant tourism. Overall
, this
will increase the levels of happiness within the land.
On the other hand
, the construction of various different types of infrastructure can have a negative effect on our social circles. For example
, the demolition of parks in favour for
housing reduces our social networking. People rely on scenic getaways as a method of interaction with the local neighbourhood and a chance to establish new connections. If Change preposition
of
this
is all taken away then
, many will not have the chance to interact with others anymore. Additionally
, the older generation depend
on Change the verb form
depends
such
locations as another avenue for communication,as they do not usually possess modern technological devices.
In conclusion, there are more advantages, including educational and health aid compared to the disadvantages of such
a claim.Submitted by abeera2012 on
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coherence cohesion
You have presented your argument in a clear and generally logical manner. However, there is room for improvement in the overall strength and clarity of the essay structure. To enhance your score, consider creating a more solid framework for your essay where each paragraph seamlessly flows into the next, thereby ensuring a cohesive argument throughout.
task achievement
Your essay maintains relevance to the topic, but you should seek to develop your key ideas further. When writing about advantages and disadvantages, it is essential to discuss each point sufficiently and offer deeper insights or more comprehensive arguments. Additionally, specific and tangible examples could significantly strengthen the point you are making, and ensure they are directly related to the question prompt for a more compelling response.