IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#safety #roads #punishments #offences
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It is quite common these days, that government should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
use stricter
punishments
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 in order to reduce
large
Change the article
a large
the large
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number
Use synonyms
 of
accidents
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 and protect the safety of
drivers
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. From my perspective,
this
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 solution may sharply decrease the
number
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 of
accidents
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,
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however
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however,
show examples
 there are several other methods to solve
this
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 issue. The major reasons,
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 cause
accidents
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 are
inattentive
Add an article
the inattentive
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 focus of
drivers
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 and
due to
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save
Change the verb form
saving
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 time
drivers
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 violate
law
Correct article usage
the law
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such
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 as running red lights, speeding or driving drunk.
Thus
Linking Words
, strict punishment plays an important role in improving many adverse problems related to traffic
accidents
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. These disciplines,
such
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 as paying a heavy fine or banning them from driving for a period of time.
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Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
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 government should increase
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number
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the number
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 of security cameras
in
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on
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 roads, which can determine the speed and violation of laws.
Hence
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,
drivers
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 in order to not get strict punishment would drive carefully.As an example in some countries
drivers
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, who get
same
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the same
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 punishment, get
deprivation
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deprived
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 of their
driver
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driver's
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 license.
Moreover
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,
inattentive
Add an article
the inattentive
show examples
 focus of
drivers
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 is another reason
of cause
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for causing
show examples
 an accident. Many people use mobile phones, eat or speak with someone
,
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apply
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while
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 driving,
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consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
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 it is
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 risk of
Add an article
an accident
show examples
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
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.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should implement some steps against
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these, and
drivers
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 should prevent
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 something else,
during
Change preposition
while
show examples
 driving. Strict
punishments
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 can solve these problems.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
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 corruption should
be reduce
Change the verb form
be reduced
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 in order to decrease the
number
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 of
accidents
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.
Due to
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 corruption, some people get
driver
Change noun form
driver's
show examples
 licenses in illegal
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
show examples
,
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consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
 the
number
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 of inexperienced
drivers
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 increases. There
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
should be strict
punishments
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 for corruption, which can dramatically
fall
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
accidents
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. In conclusion, from my point of view strict
punishments
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 would sharply decrease the
number
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 of
accidents
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,
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nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 other measures
also
Linking Words
 contribute to heightening people’s awareness and improving road safety
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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion that encompass the main ideas of your essay. Both should be distinct and summarize your stance well.
Logical Structure
Work on creating a logical flow in your essay. Make sure each paragraph clearly relates to the central topic and that ideas within paragraphs are well connected.
Supported Points
Support your main points with clear, specific examples. Examples should directly relate to the points made and be sufficiently developed.
Complete Response
Ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Your opinion should be clear throughout, and the essay should cover all aspects of the prompt.
Clear Ideas
Strive to express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Ensure that the essay is easy to follow and that each point is articulated in a way that is straightforward for the reader to understand.
Specific Examples
Use examples that are relevant and specific to the point you are making. Avoid vague statements by providing concrete evidence or illustrations from real-life scenarios, when possible.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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