IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#safety #roads #punishments #offences
It is quite common these days, that government should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
use stricter
punishments
 in order to reduce
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
number
 of
accidents
 and protect the safety of
drivers
. From my perspective,
this
 solution may sharply decrease the
number
 of
accidents
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 there are several other methods to solve
this
 issue. The major reasons,
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 cause
accidents
 are
inattentive
Add an article
the inattentive
show examples
 focus of
drivers
 and
due to
save
Change the verb form
saving
show examples
 time
drivers
 violate
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
such
 as running red lights, speeding or driving drunk.
Thus
, strict punishment plays an important role in improving many adverse problems related to traffic
accidents
. These disciplines,
such
 as paying a heavy fine or banning them from driving for a period of time.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 government should increase
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of security cameras
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 roads, which can determine the speed and violation of laws.
Hence
,
drivers
 in order to not get strict punishment would drive carefully.As an example in some countries
drivers
, who get
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 punishment, get
deprivation
Replace the word
deprived
show examples
 of their
driver
Change noun form
driver's
show examples
 license.
Moreover
,
inattentive
Add an article
the inattentive
show examples
 focus of
drivers
 is another reason
of cause
Change preposition
for causing
show examples
 an accident. Many people use mobile phones, eat or speak with someone
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
 driving,
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
 it is
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 risk of
Add an article
an accident
show examples
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should implement some steps against
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these, and
drivers
 should prevent
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 something else,
during
Change preposition
while
show examples
 driving. Strict
punishments
 can solve these problems.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 corruption should
be reduce
Change the verb form
be reduced
show examples
 in order to decrease the
number
 of
accidents
.
Due to
 corruption, some people get
driver
Change noun form
driver's
show examples
 licenses in illegal
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
show examples
,
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
 the
number
 of inexperienced
drivers
 increases. There
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
should be strict
punishments
 for corruption, which can dramatically
fall
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
accidents
. In conclusion, from my point of view strict
punishments
 would sharply decrease the
number
 of
accidents
,
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 other measures
also
 contribute to heightening people’s awareness and improving road safety
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Introduction & Conclusion
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Logical Structure
Work on creating a logical flow in your essay. Make sure each paragraph clearly relates to the central topic and that ideas within paragraphs are well connected.
Supported Points
Support your main points with clear, specific examples. Examples should directly relate to the points made and be sufficiently developed.
Complete Response
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Clear Ideas
Strive to express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Ensure that the essay is easy to follow and that each point is articulated in a way that is straightforward for the reader to understand.
Specific Examples
Use examples that are relevant and specific to the point you are making. Avoid vague statements by providing concrete evidence or illustrations from real-life scenarios, when possible.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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