People try to change their look by changing the colour of their hair using cosmetics, wearing jewellery or even having a plastic surgery done. Why do you think people do it? Do you think changing a look is a good thing.

These days, having a perfect look trend is quite popular across the world, and
as a result
, individuals try to alter their own appearance by changing
many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
ways like hair colour
change
, using cosmetics, wearing accessories and
doing
Verb problem
having
show examples
plastic surgery. Having a perfect look like
actor
Correct article usage
an actor
show examples
actress
Correct word choice
or actress
show examples
is the main reason
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
do
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
and I think changing a look is a good thing because it brings more
confidence
.
This
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
with,
people
change
their
look
Fix the agreement mistake
looks
show examples
by using cosmetic items because they
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
look like
actor
Fix the agreement mistake
actors
show examples
or
actress
Fix the agreement mistake
actresses
show examples
such
as glassy skin and fair skin. To clarify, many
people
influence
Wrong verb form
are influenced
show examples
by prime media and social media
while
they watch how others are
being
Verb problem
getting
show examples
a good look
then
they search to find
a better cosmetic products
Correct the article-noun agreement
better cosmetic products
a better cosmetic product
show examples
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
celebrities use
then
they
also
use to get
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
look.
For instance
, a recent survey done by BBC said that 99% of Korean
people
use cosmetics products to get
v-shape
Correct article usage
a v-shape
show examples
jaw line
Correct your spelling
jawline
show examples
.
In other words
, populations like to get their dream look by using these products constantly.
Furthermore
, changing a look is a good thing because it brings more
confidence
, especially
who
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
born with disabilities.
To specific
Rephrase
Specifically
show examples
,
disability
Replace the word
disabled
show examples
people
have low
confidence
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
appearances
Fix the agreement mistake
appearance
show examples
but if they do surgery to
change
their
look
Fix the agreement mistake
looks
show examples
then
they will be happy and their
confidence
level may be increased.
For instance
, a person born with
mole
Add an article
a mole
show examples
on
face
Correct pronoun usage
their face
his face
her face
show examples
,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
suffers his entire life and
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has
inferiority
Correct article usage
an inferiority
show examples
complex but when he
will do
Verb problem
has
show examples
surgery to
change
their face
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
he has more
confidence
than before. These kinds of surgeries
are provides
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
many benefits to the population.
To conclude
, changing folk's appearances
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
more
confidence
and
stay
Verb problem
apply
show examples
far away from
inferiority
Correct article usage
an inferiority
show examples
complex; individuals have to
be look
Change the verb form
look
show examples
like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
show examples
and they want
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fair and glassy skin like them,
hence
, they
change
their own appearance by using cosmetics and changing hair colours.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
The candidate should focus on constructing a logical progression in their arguments. There were instances where the essay jumped from one point to another without clear connections between the ideas. A more effective approach is to outline the essay beforehand, ensuring each paragraph naturally leads to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were present but lacked clarity and purpose. It's essential to introduce the topic, outline the main points that will be discussed, and restate these points alongside the argument in the conclusion. The candidate should practice crafting clear and purposeful introductory and concluding paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are somewhat supported, the candidate should include a variety of well-developed examples and explanations. It's vital to provide detailed and specific evidence to back up each point made, rather than providing generalized or hypothetical examples.
task achievement
The response fulfills the basic requirements of the task, but doesn't fully develop all parts of the prompt. The candidate should ensure they thoroughly answer each part of the question, expressing a clear opinion and discussing why people change their appearance and if this is positive.
task achievement
While ideas are communicated, the candidate can improve by offering clearer, more comprehensive ideas. It's important to express thoughts in a way that's easy for the reader to understand, with a stronger focus on clarity and detail.
task achievement
Relevant examples were given but lacked specificity. The candidate should strive to use specific, real-world examples to illustrate their points rather than general statements or hypothetical situations that do not solidify their argument.
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