some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Widespread
of
technology has changed everyone's daily routine in various ways. Nowadays, Change preposition
apply
smartphones
have been a crucial part of people including children
's lives. There might be several reasons that indicate why young
generation Correct article usage
the young
spend
some hours on their Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
phones
daily. Also
, this
attitude toward mobile phones
might have some consequences.
There are different factors which motivate youngsters to spend so much time
surfing the net or just being on their phones
. Firstly
, nowadays, parents are in a rush most of the time
and they cannot make time
for their beloved children
. So, they try to fill this
gap and entertain their kids with their smartphones
to not hear their naggings. Secondly
, there are actually millions of interesting options in smartphones
that can entertain you for several hours, for instance
, games, cartoons, movies, songs and
etc. Correct word choice
apply
Children
get
amazed by Verb problem
are
this
oportunity
and don'Correct your spelling
opportunity
t
show the tendency to replace it with any other activity. And thirdly
, new
generation doesn'Add an article
the new
t
have enough hobbies. Some of
Change preposition
apply
children
's worlds are centered around their smartphones
which means, they are not even aware of any other activity, and identify scrolling on their phone as their leisure time
activity.
This
attitude in children
might be considered as a
negative or positive in various situations, but in my opinion, its negativity Correct article usage
apply
outweigh
its positivity for several reasons. The most vital reason for Change the verb form
outweighs
this
statement is lack
of physical movement Correct article usage
the lack
as a result
of spending time
on smartphones
. Children
tend to sit still more than previous
decades and it can affect the normal process of their growth. It can Change preposition
in previous
also
lead to obesity which has proven
by scientists to be concerning in the future. Add a missing verb
been proven
Last
but not least, lack of real communication in children
as a result
of focusing on their smartphones
only can lead to unsociable juveniles. As a result
of phone
being Add an article
the phone
in
the Change preposition
at
center
of Change the spelling
centre
the
attention, Correct article usage
apply
children
don't
make real freiends
and don'Correct your spelling
friends
t
have real interactions with other people, so they won't
be able to improve tactics
of Correct article usage
the tactics
a
beneficial communication.
In conclusion, Remove the article
apply
widespread
of technology Correct article usage
the widespread
and
specifically Correct word choice
apply
smartphones
has caused so many troubles in the growth process of kids which must be prevented by parents. For instance
, they can set some boundaries about children
's screen time
and get the phone back at that prefixed hour. This
way they have limitation
in hours of using their Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
phones
and may be forced to find something more advantageous to do during their day.Submitted by eyvaziniloofar on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. It is important to sequence information and ideas efficiently to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state the topic and summarize the main points. This structure helps provide clarity and closure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Support the main points with clear, relevant examples. While you have included reasons and some examples, more specific and detailed illustrations could enhance the arguments presented.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task prompt. Ensure that you provide a thorough explanation of all aspects of the issue, including the reasons for children spending hours on smartphones and both the positive and negative developments of this trend.
task achievement
Present clear, comprehensive ideas and thoughts with well-developed explanations. You should articulate your points of view in a detailed manner to strengthen your position.
task achievement
Incorporate a range of relevant examples to support your ideas. Using a wide variety of specific and relatable instances can make your argument more persuasive.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example