Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should have freedom to choose the activities they want to do. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals argue that risky activities lead to physical injuries and unnecessary costs, and should be prohibited.
However
, others think that everyone is free to follow their interests because of the benefits of discovering their abilities and developing vital skills. I completely agree with the latter view and believe that everyone has the right to pursue their favourite
sports
. One of the arguments for banning unsafe exercises is that these can cause serious problems for participants,
as well as
spectators.
For example
, white water rafting and climbing mountains often involve difficult situations, and
as a result
, can cause irreparable injuries.
For instance
, sometimes news reports that a number of climbers have fallen down, which leads to the loss of parts of their body or death. Another reason is that these
sports
need particular equipment, which requires financial resources.
therefore
, many agree that
such
expenses should be spent for more productive purposes in society and the environment. That being said, people should pursue their passions among various hobbies. The main advantage of
this
idea is that it can increase adrenaline levels, which means that one who experiences adventure and thrill can improve their moods and help them develop mental and physical well-being for a long time.
furthermore
, these
sports
may provide opportunities to discover talents and make personal growth.
For example
, my friend is interested in doing risky
sports
all the time, and
this
characteristic influences her life because she has never
fears about
Wrong verb form
feared
show examples
making new decisions and facing different challenges. I believe that both views put forward valid points,
however
, I strongly believe that people should have a choice in their favourite
sports
as long as they are aware of the risks and take precautions to minimize them. In conclusion,
although
many agree that some
sports
are dangerous for one’s health and are not economical,
while
others believe that these
sports
can offer a chance to promote a positive lifestyle. I personally feel that these activities can foster essential life skills in individuals that can make life enjoyable.
Submitted by sarmastsobhan1994 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer logical structure. Organize the paragraphs more effectively by distinguishing each viewpoint thoroughly with clear topic sentences. Avoid blending the arguments and ensure a logical flow from point to point within the paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion that more effectively bookend the essay. The introduction should clearly present both sides of the argument and your own stance. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the key points and reiterate your position.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the task fairly well, but you could strengthen the response by implementing a balanced discussion of both views before asserting your opinion. Make sure that each view is supported by compelling reasons and appropriate detail.
Task Achievement
Present your ideas and arguments more comprehensively by expanding on them with a variety of sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary. Additionally, ensure that the instances used are directly relevant to the topic at hand and effectively illustrate the points being made.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prohibit
  • autonomy
  • adrenaline rush
  • resilience
  • subjective
  • informed decision
  • extreme sports
  • hazardous
  • regulation
  • legislation
  • thrill-seeking
  • risk assessment
  • safety measures
  • protective gear
  • inherent risks
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