IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialise with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved?

#children #access #internet #socialise #situations #face #supervision
In the modern globalised world, man, aided by the magic mantra of technology, continues to improve his existence in terms of economy, literacy and quality of life.
However
, in the process of creating a more productive and prosperous life society, it seems that
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is destroying the wholesomeness of unsupervised
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 using
internet
Add an article
the internet
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.
Internet
 is not only the mean to education it
also
 provide socialisation with others.
However
, during
solcialising
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socialising
socializing
their
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there
show examples
 are
also
 active
scamer
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scammer
 working on the
internet
 to
manupulate
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manipulate
 the
childern
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children
, even the adult cannot understand the strategies of
scamer
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scammer
, they can
esaily
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easily
blackmail the child.
According to
 research conducted by Western Sydney University 60 percent chance of
the
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a
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 child
to fall
Change the verb form
falling
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 for scam
call
Change the form of the verb
calls
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 so, it should be restricted. Another pivotal aspect of
the
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apply
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socialising online is
pronograpy
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pornography
 the predator can send adult content to the child that can damage their mental health, so the parental
supervivision
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supervision
 of
childern
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children
 is
must
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a must
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,
otherwise
 the parents will
the
Add a missing verb
be the
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 first to
sufffer
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suffer
 if mishaps. In
the
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apply
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conclusion, children must be supervised by
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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 when they are using the
internet
.
Specially
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Especially
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now
a
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apply
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day's parents can put restriction mode on
the
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apply
show examples
solical
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social
political
 sites simply by using the app. Parents can
also
 get advice from the technology expert on the latest updates in technology.
This
 can save the future of their family and our country.
Submitted by 13simran1990 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, which impacts the overall understanding of the argument. Consider organising your points in a more logical and fluid manner, using paragraphs to separate different ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that both the introduction and conclusion are present and that they align with the main content of the essay. Your introduction should set the stage for the discussion, and your conclusion should effectively summarise the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear and relevant examples. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic. Make sure your essay includes detailed reasons and examples to back up each point.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, make sure you address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. Your response must cover both the problems children face online without parental supervision and potential solutions to these problems.
task achievement
Your essay should present ideas clearly and comprehensively. Work on providing clear explanations and expanding upon ideas so the reader can easily understand and follow your thought process.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your points. These examples should be precise and directly related to the topic at hand, enhancing the quality of your response and demonstrating your understanding of real-world implications.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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