some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is positive or a negative development?

Widespread technology has changed everyone's daily routine in various ways. Nowadays,
smartphones
have been a crucial part of people including
children
's lives. There might be several reasons that indicate why the young generation spends some hours on their
phones
daily.
Also
,
this
attitude toward mobile
phones
might have some consequences. There are different factors which motivate youngsters to spend so much
time
surfing the net or just being on their
phones
.
Firstly
, nowadays, parents are in a rush most of the
time
and they cannot make
time
for their beloved
children
. So, they try to fill
this
gap and entertain their kids with their
smartphones
to not hear their naggings.
Secondly
, there are actually millions of interesting options in
smartphones
that can entertain you for several hours,
for instance
, games, cartoons, movies, songs etc.
Children
are amazed by
this
opportunity and don'
t
show the tendency to replace it with any other activity. And
thirdly
, the new generation doesn'
t
have enough hobbies. Some offspring's worlds are
centered
Change the spelling
centred
show examples
around their
smartphones
which means, they are not even aware of any other activity, and identify scrolling on their
phone
as their leisure
time
activity. To
illustarte
Correct your spelling
illustrate
this
, if you ask any
children
Fix the agreement mistake
child
show examples
to choose one between attending a pottery class and playing the newest version of
mobile
Correct article usage
a mobile
show examples
phone
game, he would
defenitly
Correct your spelling
definitely
choose the second one!
This
attitude in
children
might be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
negative or positive in various situations, but in my opinion, its negativity outweighs its positivity for several reasons. The most vital reason for
this
statement is the lack of physical movement
as a result
of spending
time
on
smartphones
.
Children
tend to sit still more than in previous decades and it can affect the normal process of their growth. It can
also
lead to obesity which has been proven by scientists to be concerning in the future.
For example
,
children
prefer to watch a football match on their
phones
instead
of playing football with their friends in the yard these days.
Last
but not least, lack of real communication in
children
as a result
of focusing on their
smartphones
only can lead to unsociable juveniles.
As a result
of the
phone
being at the centre of attention,
children
don'
t
make real friends and don'
t
have real interactions with other people, so they won'
t
be able to improve the tactics of beneficial communication. To give a clear example, they may not be able to start a conversation when needed and won'
t
be able to meet their social needs. In conclusion, the widespread of technology specifically
smartphones
has caused so many troubles in the growth process of kids which must be prevented by parents.
For instance
, they can set some boundaries about
children
's screen
time
and get the
phone
back at that prefixed hour.
This
way they have limitations in hours of using their
phones
and may be forced to find something more advantageous to do during their day.
Submitted by eyvaziniloofar on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear, logical structure with well-defined paragraphs. It is important to not only present ideas but to also effectively connect them, creating a smooth flow of information that is easy for the reader to follow. Consider using a wider range of linking devices and theme-related vocabulary to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear opinion; however, you could develop your main points further. When presenting arguments or discussing the implications of children's heavy smartphone usage, expand your analysis to include more detail, which could offer greater insight into your perspective. Additionally, aim to provide a balanced view by exploring both sides of the argument sufficiently, reflecting on not only the negative but also the potential positive aspects before concluding with your stance.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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