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Band 5.5

The best way to solve the world’s environmental problem is to increase the cost of fossil fuel. Do you agree or disagree?

#world’s #cost #fuel
It is argued that the vital way to tackle the global environmental issue is to push up petrol, oil, and natural gas.
While
 I agree that
this
 method could
solve
Wrong verb form
be solved
show examples
 temporarily in the short-term, I personally encourage raising people's awareness for the long term. On the one hand, I believe that growing non-renewable
energy
 sources could help address several world’s environmental problems nowadays. The
energy
 cost is high, there is a need to search for other effective renewable
energy
 sources
such
 as solar, wind, or water
energy
 by industries, especially power plants.
This
 would lead to alleviating greenhouse gas and emissions released into the atmosphere, mitigating global warming and air pollution. Another point that needs to be noticed is that the more fuel prices rise, the more
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 costs climb. People might prefer to use public transport, carpool, or bicycle rather than private vehicles.
This
 could reduce the amount of toxic gas produced in the environment.
On the other hand
, from my perspective,
this
 is not the best solution to deal with perpetually.
For example
, in recent years, the cost of fuel has increased massively,
on the contrary
, the number of private cars has still grown constantly, at alarming rates.
Therefore
, I think to address almost absolutely
this
 issue, we need to increase public awareness about the importance of preserving Mother Earth. When everyone reaches
fully
Change the word
full
show examples
 of
this
, they will be willing to take action to join hands in solving
this
 problem. In conclusion, raising the fossil fuel cost is a temporary method, raising people's consciousness is by far the most practical solution
Submitted by pnkhanhlove on

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task response
In terms of task response, ensure that you address all parts of the question directly and develop your ideas fully. Although the main idea was somewhat stated, there is an opportunity to thoroughly explain and support arguments with specific examples and deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your ideas more logically and coherently. Transitions could be smoother, and the essay would benefit from more diverse linking words. Also, consistency in point of view and tense usage will help improve coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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