An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, more
people
than in the past prefer to have plastic surgery
to change
their outlook
. Personally, I think this
is a negative development, and there are some reasons cause
Change preposition
for
this
situation.
First of all, apearance
anxiety in the current society is the major factor which Correct your spelling
appearance
cause
Change the verb form
causes
this
development. People
put
more attention Verb problem
pay
on
their Change preposition
to
outlook
, shapes and hairstyle
to make themselves Fix the agreement mistake
hairstyles
looks
attractive, Correct subject-verb agreement
look
this
explains why people
more frequent
accept Change the word
frequently
the
surgeries to Correct article usage
apply
change
their appearance because it is the faster way to become pretty without waiting too long. However
, as the saying goes " Never judge a book by its outlook
." While
people
only focus on the
appearance, Correct article usage
apply
their
might Correct pronoun usage
they
loss
concentration on their Replace the word
lose
proffesion
and inner beauty which are more crucial to Correct your spelling
profession
the
society. Without these professional skills and virtues, it would be pathetic when Correct article usage
apply
people
use their appearance as a sign of confidence because beauty is temporary.
In addition
, sometimes surgery
could be harmful and unhealthy to our body
. Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
For example
, some people
implant plastic items in their face
in order to Fix the agreement mistake
faces
change
their shapes. Nevertheless
, unpredictable medical accidents could randomly happen and cause unreversal
damage Correct your spelling
universal
on
their face. Change preposition
to
Similarly
, fat reduction surgery
is also
popular, it extract
fat efficiently without extra exercise and Change the verb form
extracts
controlled
diet. Correct article usage
a controlled
Although
to lose
fat rapidly could let a person become skinny, it could lead to potential damage to inner organs when losing too much substance in our body structure. Change the verb form
losing
Therefore
, surgery
could be physically harful
.
In conclusion, overuse of plastic Correct your spelling
harmful
surgery
could be mentally and physically harful
to our body. Even though it is one of the most rapid Correct your spelling
harmful
way
of Change to a plural noun
ways
become
Change the verb form
becoming
beauty
, we should choose a better way to Replace the word
beautiful
change
our outlook
, such
as exercise or make up
.Correct your spelling
make-up
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay follows a clear, logical structure from introduction to conclusion, with each paragraph seamlessly transitioning to the next. Add transitional phrases to improve flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Expand on the introduction by providing a broader context before narrowing down to the thesis. Similarly, in the conclusion, succinctly summarize your main points before providing a final, overarching statement.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. Ensure the examples are specific and directly linked to the point being made.
task achievement
Fully address the task by discussing both the reasons behind the increase in cosmetic surgery and its positive or negative implications. Make sure to directly answer the questions posed in the task.
task achievement
Clarify and develop the main ideas in each paragraph to ensure a comprehensive exploration of the topic. Avoid presenting new ideas without proper explanation or context.
task achievement
Use more varied and illustrative examples to strengthen the argument. The examples should be specific and well-integrated into the discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example