Music is played in every society and culture in teh world. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Music
was born centuries ago, when our ancestors played some instruments and melodies using their nearest things,
such
as bamboo, wood, or other natural ones. Generation by generation,
music
was well-developed, and until today we include high technology in producing
music
. Some
people
think
music
is one of the media that entertains humans. Others,
however
, think that
music
only brings negative impacts, especially to underage children. In
this
dialogue, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
music
. Producing
music
is never easy. Musicians have to stitch the lyrics and the arrangement into a quality one.
That is
why
people
believe that
music
is a creativity that needs to be appreciated. With a peaceful and calm instrument,
music
for some
people
is created to make them more relaxed.
Music
also
helps some of them to refresh their minds after having a rough day. Some
people
who are considered as audiovisual humans need
music
to accompany their study. There is a fun fact in the United States that Taylor Swift, a well-known international singer-songwriter, surprisingly contributes to 15% GDP of the United States.
This
mind-blowing fact believes that
music
is not only for individuals, indeed it is
also
for a country's economic outgrowth.
Music
,
however
, has some dark days in every generation. We can mention Kurt Cobain, a vocalist of the top pop-rock band, Nirvana, who died because of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress that he experienced during his time in the band. Many Korean Pop Singers killed themselves because of the exploitations that they had in the Korean
Music
Industry. Not only for musicians,
music
also
has some negative impacts on us, individuals, as listeners. There was a man in a country who was inspired to do suicide because of a song that he listened to. There was an arrest in a city in Indonesia because of
music
played in a discotheque. These facts imply that
music
,
although
considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an art, has some rejections in some societies. In conclusion, I assume that
music
is a wonderful art that comes from masterminds.
Music
brings some joy.
However
, we need to be wise in responding the
music
and we can not let
music
influence the bad ones on us.
Submitted by semangatbanget.s2 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the structure of the essay. It should set the stage for the discussion that follows.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully and elaborate on your examples. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea with sufficient explanation and example to support it.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a clear logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Avoid abrupt transitions and ensure that each paragraph naturally leads to the next.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately. Overusing certain words or phrases can make the text feel repetitive.
task achievement
Conclude your essay by summarizing the main points and clearly stating your own position. The conclusion should reflect on what has been discussed and offer a final perspective.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

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  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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