Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than their achievements and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree?
Celebrities around the
world
always remain a hot issue of discussion. It has been observed that during the past few decades, stars which include film actors, sports players and social media figures have become popular not because of their achievements but because of their luxurious lives and abundance of wealth. This
is setting very negative trends among youngsters. This
essay completely aligns with the above-stated argument and will prove it with logical reasoning backed up by substantial facts.
First of all, individuals at a young age do not have enough exposure to life
to understand the difference between reality and the virtual Replace the word
live
world
. In addition
to that, they easily get inspired by what they observe in their favorite celebrities in movies and dramas so, they make attempts to emulate them in real life
. They lose sight of the fact that the stars have no actual achievements. They are just characters of a fake world
and earn a lot of money. For Instance
, a well-renowned movie star, superman, has nothing done exceptional in reality but it is just the magic of money that has charmed a major group of people.
Secondly
, they are blinded by their net worth and their sole purpose in life
becomes the luxury of this
world
. This
creates a feeling of depravedness and lack, which leads to all sorts of illicit activities like robbing, mugging and stealing and this
happens because they strive to be like the stars they follow. For example
, leading studies have shown that most of the crimes done by youngsters are just because they need to simulate a life
they cannot afford.
In conclusion, it is now evident that the pattern set by the materials and wealth of the inspiring personalities is inflicting a negative impact on youngsters because they fall for every shining matter. Furthermore
, this
fantasy has caused a lot of harm to society because it does not inspire to do anything productive as well as
distracting the youth from achieving their aims in life
.Submitted by M.zeshan5999 on
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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. You often express a clear position throughout your response, yet there could be a more comprehensive exploration of the opposing views on the subject to demonstrate a balanced analysis. Expanding the discussion to consider different perspectives could enhance the completeness of your response.
Task Achievement
Work on developing clear, comprehensive ideas supporting your position. While your essay provides a clear opinion, some points could be articulated with more depth and detail. Including more nuanced arguments and varied sentence structures can help in presenting complex ideas more effectively.
Task Achievement
Your essay should include more relevant and specific examples to reinforce your arguments. The example of a 'movie star like Superman' is a good start, but real-life examples of actual celebrities and their impact on youth would be more convincing. Drawing on specific, real-world cases would strengthen your arguments and illustrate your points more vividly.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, it is crucial to focus on the logical organization of information and ideas. The overall structure of the essay is sound, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance the logical flow, connect your ideas more coherently with clearer topic sentences and more explicit linking words or phrases.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each main point you make is supported by relevant explanations or evidence. While you do give some support to your arguments, further elaboration and analysis in each body paragraph would increase the persuasiveness of your writing. This could be achieved by adding more detailed evidence or explaining the implications of your points more extensively.
Your opinion
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?