Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than their achievements and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree?

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Celebrities around the

world

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always remain a hot issue of discussion. It has been observed that during the past few decades, stars which include film actors, sports players and social media figures have become popular not because of their achievements but because of their luxurious lives and abundance of wealth.

This

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is setting very negative trends among youngsters.

This

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essay completely aligns with the above-stated argument and will prove it with logical reasoning backed up by substantial facts. First of all, individuals at a young age do not have enough exposure to

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life

Replace the word

live

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to understand the difference between reality and the virtual

world

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In addition

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to that, they easily get inspired by what they observe in their favorite celebrities in movies and dramas so, they make attempts to emulate them in real

life

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. They lose sight of the fact that the stars have no actual achievements. They are just characters of a fake

world

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and earn a lot of money.

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, a well-renowned movie star, superman, has nothing done exceptional in reality but it is just the magic of money that has charmed a major group of people.

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, they are blinded by their net worth and their sole purpose in

life

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becomes the luxury of

this

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world

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This

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creates a feeling of depravedness and lack, which leads to all sorts of illicit activities like robbing, mugging and stealing and

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happens because they strive to be like the stars they follow.

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, leading studies have shown that most of the crimes done by youngsters are just because they need to simulate a

life

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they cannot afford. In conclusion, it is now evident that the pattern set by the materials and wealth of the inspiring personalities is inflicting a negative impact on youngsters because they fall for every shining matter.

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this

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fantasy has caused a lot of harm to society because it does not inspire to do anything productive

as well as

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distracting the youth from achieving their aims in

life

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M.zeshan5999Sat Jan 20 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve your Task Achievement, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. You often express a clear position throughout your response, yet there could be a more comprehensive exploration of the opposing views on the subject to demonstrate a balanced analysis. Expanding the discussion to consider different perspectives could enhance the completeness of your response.

Task Achievement

Work on developing clear, comprehensive ideas supporting your position. While your essay provides a clear opinion, some points could be articulated with more depth and detail. Including more nuanced arguments and varied sentence structures can help in presenting complex ideas more effectively.

Task Achievement

Your essay should include more relevant and specific examples to reinforce your arguments. The example of a 'movie star like Superman' is a good start, but real-life examples of actual celebrities and their impact on youth would be more convincing. Drawing on specific, real-world cases would strengthen your arguments and illustrate your points more vividly.

Coherence and Cohesion

For Coherence and Cohesion, it is crucial to focus on the logical organization of information and ideas. The overall structure of the essay is sound, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance the logical flow, connect your ideas more coherently with clearer topic sentences and more explicit linking words or phrases.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that each main point you make is supported by relevant explanations or evidence. While you do give some support to your arguments, further elaboration and analysis in each body paragraph would increase the persuasiveness of your writing. This could be achieved by adding more detailed evidence or explaining the implications of your points more extensively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

334 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than their achievements and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree?

Your opinion

In some countries, children under 16 years old are not allowed by law to leave school and get full time work. Is this a good or bad thing ? Discuss your opinion

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Most people think about creating an ideal society, but most of the time fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society? How can we create an ideal society?

Some people say that the most successful organization is mainly because the managers and workers can communicate well with each other. However, other people claim that there are more important factors the make an organization successful. Discuss both point of views and give your own opinion.