IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people believe that the purpose of education is to make individuals useful for society, while other think that education should help people pursue personal ambitions. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
There has been controversy about whether
society
Use synonyms
 should benefit from educated
people
Use synonyms
 or whether
people
Use synonyms
 tend to focus on their personal lives. From my perspective, I believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should be worried about their nation and do anything in the way that their
society
Use synonyms
 makes progress. I will discuss both views in the following paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, being educated is one of the obligations in many countries.
In other words
Linking Words
, the purpose of education is to turn citizens into useful members of
society
Use synonyms
. The more individuals with university degrees, the more breakdowns for the nation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are the schools and the universities who are responsible for
people
Use synonyms
's behaviours and teaching them to be cooperative, team-work and morality. In Iran,
for example
Linking Words
, there is a special course in the university for all majors which is called Rule of Life and it is mandatory for all students.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, trying to achieve personal desires not only gives someone a sense of fulfilment but
also
Linking Words
 it is one of the criteria to have a better community in many different fields.
For instance
Linking Words
, in many countries,
society
Use synonyms
 always encourages the student to explore their own interests and speciality.
Moreover
Linking Words
, students should always have in their mind that they have a bigger plan which is to be a useful person not only in their life but
also
Linking Words
 for their country.
Hence
Linking Words
, the main intention of education is to focus on the development of
society
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the goals of education include learning how to be a person who can be advantageous to
society
Use synonyms
 and achieving one's ambitions. In my opinion, the principle intention is to make
people
Use synonyms
 encourage in progress of the community.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by using transitional phrases to lead the reader from one paragraph to the next. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea with supporting sentences that are directly related.
Coherence & Cohesion
Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point you will discuss in that paragraph. This helps to guide the reader and ensure that your ideas are understood.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a clear introduction that sets the scene for the essay and a conclusion that wraps up your points and restates your opinion. Both should be clear, concise, and reflect the content of the essay.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Ensure that you provide clear and comprehensive answers to what is asked, using examples that are directly relevant to the task topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preparation
  • beneficial
  • society
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • civic responsibility
  • active participation
  • social initiatives
  • societal issues
  • solutions
  • specialized professions
  • personal growth
  • self-fulfillment
  • passions
  • interests
  • potential
  • talents
  • job prospects
  • financial stability
  • balance
  • meaningful
  • foundation
  • emphasis
What to do next:
Look at other essays: