IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people believe that the purpose of education is to make individuals useful for society, while other think that education should help people pursue personal ambitions. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There has been controversy about whether
society
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 should benefit from educated
people
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 or whether
people
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 tend to focus on their personal lives. From my perspective, I believe that
people
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 should be worried about their nation and do anything in the way that their
society
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 makes progress. I will discuss both views in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, being educated is one of the obligations in many countries.
In other words
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, the purpose of education is to turn citizens into useful members of
society
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. The more individuals with university degrees, the more breakdowns for the nation.
Furthermore
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, there are the schools and the universities who are responsible for
people
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's behaviours and teaching them to be cooperative, team-work and morality. In Iran,
for example
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, there is a special course in the university for all majors which is called Rule of Life and it is mandatory for all students.
On the other hand
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, trying to achieve personal desires not only gives someone a sense of fulfilment but
also
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 it is one of the criteria to have a better community in many different fields.
For instance
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, in many countries,
society
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 always encourages the student to explore their own interests and speciality.
Moreover
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, students should always have in their mind that they have a bigger plan which is to be a useful person not only in their life but
also
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 for their country.
Hence
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, the main intention of education is to focus on the development of
society
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. In conclusion, the goals of education include learning how to be a person who can be advantageous to
society
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 and achieving one's ambitions. In my opinion, the principle intention is to make
people
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 encourage in progress of the community.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by using transitional phrases to lead the reader from one paragraph to the next. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea with supporting sentences that are directly related.
Coherence & Cohesion
Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point you will discuss in that paragraph. This helps to guide the reader and ensure that your ideas are understood.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a clear introduction that sets the scene for the essay and a conclusion that wraps up your points and restates your opinion. Both should be clear, concise, and reflect the content of the essay.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Ensure that you provide clear and comprehensive answers to what is asked, using examples that are directly relevant to the task topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preparation
  • beneficial
  • society
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • civic responsibility
  • active participation
  • social initiatives
  • societal issues
  • solutions
  • specialized professions
  • personal growth
  • self-fulfillment
  • passions
  • interests
  • potential
  • talents
  • job prospects
  • financial stability
  • balance
  • meaningful
  • foundation
  • emphasis
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