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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do the advantage of this trend outweigh the disadvantage?

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Over the
last
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 twenty
years
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, pregnancies after several
years
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 of marriage have been significantly increased. It depends on various factors
such
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 as career, health and personal relationships.
However
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, I believe that a balance between all aspects of life is crucial in the holistic development of the individual. To start with, there could be a few causes behind
this
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. Having a baby after several
years
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 of weddings could depend on career growth. Nowadays, folks are giving extra focus on building their business successfully. The primary goal of the younger generation is a mindful stardom, fame and wealth and they keep family planning as a secondary task.
For instance
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, especially acting professionals tend to plan their
babies
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 after seven to eight
years
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 because they think they have to be stable well to take care of their
babies
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 as they spend most of their time outside of the house for their movies shooting, award functions which would result in taking less care of their child in order to give the best future to them.
On the other hand
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, there can be some drawbacks. As per doctor's advice, couples should plan their
babies
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 at the ages of 20 to 30, because they recommend that in these
years
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, people's bodies work excellently to recover easily from operations, surgeries and so on because the immune system works perfectly in the younger age.
Otherwise
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, the later
years
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,
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apply
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 could create numerous health risks mainly in women like heart strokes, improper periods, imbalanced immune system and so on.
Furthermore
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, over life, the public gets busier in their career advancements which leads them to spend less quality time with their newborn
babies
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, nowadays crowd who are more engaged in their work life not only spend less time with their children but
also
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 hire nannies or nurses to look after their children which ultimately disconnect
babies
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 with their parental roots and traditional norms.
Thus
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, these are some reasons which could create problems in the holistic development of the younger generation.
To conclude
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,I believe that the cons of
this
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 trend can be impactful because, no doubt wealthy status is mandatory to fulfil the needs of their family but planning a family in the early
years
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 of age should be obligatory as well to make a balance between personal and professional development.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your main points in the introduction to guide the reader throughout your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or details to support the main points in your argument, which can enhance clarity and persuasion.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of your essay, making sure each paragraph connects logically to the next.
task achievement
Ensure that you address both sides of the argument more evenly to strengthen your discussion about the advantages and disadvantages of late parenthood.
task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses the topic of late parenthood by identifying relevant factors and consequences.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion clearly summarizes your main arguments, reinforcing your overall viewpoint.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Delayed parenthood
  • Financial stability
  • Career development
  • Economic uncertainty
  • Fertility treatments
  • Reproductive health
  • Cultural expectations
  • Societal norms
  • Personal freedom
  • Experiential achievements
  • Childbearing age
  • Professional growth
  • Equal footing
  • Hesitant
  • Defer
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