IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The best way to solve the world’s environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that these days, the world’s polluted environment is the biggest issue. Raising fuel prices is believed to be the most optimal method to solve environmental problems. From my point of view,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 approach may reduce the amount of toxic fumes in the atmosphere, there are some more effective measures to tackle
this
Linking Words
 topic. On the one hand, the policy just helps to minimize hazardous gas emissions from certain
from certain
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
means of transport. Because when the fuel cost increases,
people
Use synonyms
 wanting to save money prefer to go by public transport rather than their own vehicles.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the cost is too high for citizens to not afford to buy, they may be concerned about renewable and environmentally friendly energy sources.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can go by bus, train or electric cars
instead
Linking Words
 of fossil transport.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, there is a considerable fall in the amount of carbon dioxide released, which can solve air pollution.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, environmental issues stem from many reasons, there are many suitable ways to address
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. The government should raise the awareness of residents and advance strict punishments for individuals or organizations causing pollution. because
people
Use synonyms
's lack of knowledge is an implicit reason,
people
Use synonyms
 must be educated about the negative impact on the environment that they ignore. Meanwhile, toxic wastes from factories are direct causes of many environmental problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, the smog, and chemical waste which are brought out by establishments lead to air and water pollution.
As a result
Linking Words
, these approaches not approaches are not only
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 hazardous fumes released into the atmosphere into atmosphere but
also
Linking Words
 many environmental problems. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 measure is quite an advantage, but each issue requires different solutions. I am of the opinion that better alternatives will be addressed effectively
due to
Linking Words
 the education system and the strict punishment for citizens.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is developed logically. Some areas in the essay showed room for improvement in logical structure. While there was an effort to organize the text, it occasionally lost clarity due to abrupt transitions or underdeveloped points.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion were present, they could be strengthened by more clearly stating the essay's position and summarizing the key points discussed in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
To support the main points better, ensure that each is substantiated with clear, relevant examples or further explanation. Some points were made but not sufficiently expanded upon, affecting the overall persuasive power of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure the response fully addresses all parts of the task. You should expand on your ideas, providing more depth to your arguments, and cover the topic in a comprehensive manner. The essay partially met the requirements but lacked thorough exploration of the topic.
task achievement
The essay presented some clear ideas, but at times, these were not articulated in a way that was easy to follow. Aim to express ideas with greater clarity through more precise and complex language.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to strengthen arguments. While some examples were provided, they were not always clearly linked to the main argument or sufficiently detailed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • disproportionately affect
  • renewable sources
  • solar energy
  • equity in environmental policies
  • exacerbating social inequalities
  • incentivizing
  • subsidies
  • strict regulations
  • industrial emissions
  • sustainable local production
  • carbon footprints
  • punitive measures
  • sustainability efforts
  • robust and lasting changes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: