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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

After finishing school some student go travelling or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. Do you think the advantages of gap years outweigh the disadvantages ?

#school #student #work #period #time #university #gap #years
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Nowadays, some students decide to go abroad or work several times
besides
 attending university directly. In my point of view, there are equal advantages and disadvantages.
To begin
 with, one of the disadvantages is wasting
time
.
However
, they spend a lot of
time
 and might have no profit at all.
For instance
, Emma
travel
Change the verb form
travels
show examples
 to another country just to enjoy their life, in
this
 case, she just
a
Add a missing verb
has a
show examples
pleasant
time
 for a moment and when she comes back she must learn what she passed
while
 her friends have another chapter of life. Some of them could lose their ages compared to the others. As long as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they could study fast that would not be a problem at all.
On the other hand
, being overseas or getting a quick job
is give
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
a
Correct pronoun usage
them a
show examples
new experience that can help them in the future. When they have a lot of experience they can make an amazing impression.
For example
, John graduated from high school and chose to go find a job overseas
while
 he preparing to go to university, in that situation, he just merits
time
 and achieves a new skill. Pupils who have a gap year could have one step ahead to build their future. They would
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
an unforgettable memories
Correct the article-noun agreement
unforgettable memories
an unforgettable memory
show examples
 and a rare skill for suffering and Will be a plus point in their CV.
To sum up
, the benefit and harm depend on the tendency. When they can see the opportunities with their choice, it could be nice. Meanwhile, there is a difficult side to it.
Submitted by SNR on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Consider using linking words and paragraphing to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points fully with more specific examples and clearer explanations to support your argument. This can be achieved by expanding on your ideas and explaining the connection between your examples and the overall argument.
task achievement
Try to provide a more complete response to the essay question. Address the prompt directly by stating whether you believe the advantages of gap years outweigh the disadvantages and provide a clear thesis statement.
task achievement
Include clear and comprehensive ideas that directly relate to the prompt. Expand on your points to make your position clear and to give the reader a better understanding of your perspective.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to back up your claims. This makes your argument more persuasive and your essay more impactful. Be sure to explain how these examples support your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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