IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that humans are damaging seriously the evironment. What are the causes? What should people do to solve this problem?

#people #humans #evironment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Perhaps, there is no topic of controversy in
this
 contemporary society worth debating as the matter of that the
people
 are damaging seriously the
evironment
Correct your spelling
environment
. Indeed,
people
's views differ greatly as to whether humans have a
nagative
Correct your spelling
negative
 impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature. To
inhand
Correct your spelling
enhance
 living quality,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
People
 are
destroyting
Correct your spelling
destroying
 progressively the
habital
Correct your spelling
habitual
habitat
, ecosystem,
biodiversity
Correct word choice
and biodiversity
show examples
 resulting in environmental
degracation
Correct your spelling
degradation
. To the best of my knowledge, various factors are claimed to be the cause, yet, could be tackled by plausible solutions. To start with, there is no shadow of a doubt
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 the notion holds its comprehensive cause.
Firstly
, one of the primary
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 phenomenon is the
over population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
. In some
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 the number of
inhabitant
Change to a plural noun
inhabitants
show examples
 has
become increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 than ever before,
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the increasing demand
of at
Change preposition
for
show examples
 comodation and food
comsumpion
Correct your spelling
consumption
leading
Wrong verb form
has led
show examples
 to
exploit
Replace the word
the exploitation
show examples
 excessively natural
resourse
Correct your spelling
resource
resources
 and damage directly the environment. Another reason for the environmental deterioration is the large amount of fume emissions. In the extensive
rang
Correct your spelling
range
show examples
 of nations, especially in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing countries where lake of
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
Morden
 public transport system,
people
ussually
Correct your spelling
usually
 choose the private vehicle
such
 as
moto
Correct article usage
a moto
show examples
, car
along with
 the operation of factories, which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 carbon dioxide emission increase and
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
 to air quality.
As a result
, there are numerous solutions of magnitude generated to solve the issue.
Firstly
, the
govements
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 should invest effectively in their financial
presource
Correct your spelling
resources
resource
 in sustainable infrastructure
such
or
Change preposition
as or
show examples
 subway.
For example
, in some
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
, authorities build many public transport
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 and encourage their citizens to limit the amount of time commuting by private vehicles, that positive transition in the record
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
environment.
Secondly
, the
authorites
Correct your spelling
authorities
 should formulate some policies to control the amount of exhausted
fume
Fix the agreement mistake
fumes
show examples
such
 as imposing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 green tax and punishing strictly
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 breaking the law about environmental protection to improve air quality. In sum, several reasons are stated
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to explain why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 to environment which in turn, could
se
Correct your spelling
be
 effectually tackled by efficient
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
such
 as
invest
Wrong verb form
investing in
show examples
 infrastructure development and more policies for
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
.
Submitted by ducanh99.study on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a coherent structure with unclear paragraphing, and ideas are not logically presented or fully developed. Paragraphs should be organized with a clear main idea and supporting sentences that follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
There is a need to use a range of cohesive devices to better link ideas and concepts within and between paragraphs. Current use of linking words is limited, leading to a lack of clear progression.
Task Achievement
The response to the task is incomplete and partially off-topic; the essay needs to address the causes and solutions to humans damaging the environment directly. Ideas need to be expanded upon with relevant examples and detail.
Task Achievement
Provide specific examples and evidences to support the main points. General statements are not enough to demonstrate an understanding of the issues discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: