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In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is this happening? How should they be punished?

#parts #world #children #teenagers #crimes
In a number of nations, a growing number of junior generations are committing crimes.
This
 essay analyzes the exact incentives and the most effective punishments for
this
 phenomenon. To commence with, there are two major key motivations for
this
 trouble. One key factor is financial motives, and an immense part of criminal offences
to
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is to
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 earn money for everyday life expenditures. Another element that has a significant impact is peer pressure. To be more precious, they find doing crimes appealing
,
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apply
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 because they become convinced that they are like other peers.
Moreover
 , it leads to high status for them among their friends. A prime example is a survey conducted by the Iran Research Institute, which reveals that over 67% of
Correct your spelling
pickpocketing
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pick pocketing
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pickpocketing
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 happened
in
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on
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 underground trains
inTehran
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in Tehran
 by teenagers which is
consideredan
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considered an
considered
 acceptable action between their classmates. One proper penalty to tackle
this
 vax question is to
focuson
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focus on
 training.
For instance
, these offenders should attend numerous compulsory teaching classes to distinguish between the right and wrong manner.
Additionally
,
thisinsuperable
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this insuperable
 problem
alsocan
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also can
 be solved by governments, they should not only offer rehabilitation for the young
generationbut
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generation but
also
 propose taking part in community services.
However
 , in my perspective, prevention is always better than treatment, so parents and guardians should have careful investigation and attention
on
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to
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 their children's
behaviors
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behaviours
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. Taking everything into consideration,
this
 sensible phenomenon can pose a number of difficulties for the state and the citizens at the same time, so it is advisable to note that every member of society should take initiative steps to address the problem.
Submitted by ziba.gharehnazifam on

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction does not clearly present the topic and the structure of the essay lacks clarity with abrupt transitions between ideas. There needs to be a more defined introduction and conclusion, safely guiding the reader through the essay's argument and summarizing its main points.
supported main points
Main points need to be more thoroughly developed and supported with relevant examples. While examples are provided, they sometimes lack full explanation or connection back to the main argument, which weakens the overall coherence of the essay.
complete response
The response does not fully address all parts of the task. While the essay discusses possible motivations for crime among the youth and suggests potential punishments, more exploration into the efficiency of those punishments as well as clearer development of ideas is required for a higher score. Ensure that all parts of the question are addressed equally and thoroughly.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. The writing contains inconsistent language and expressions that can confuse the reader. Avoid overly complex or ambiguous phrasing and strive for precision and simplicity in language use.
relevant specific examples
The essay briefly uses an example from a study, but this could be expanded upon to prove the point more effectively. Use additional, more specific examples to illustrate and support your arguments.
logical structure
The coherence of the essay is compromised by grammar mistakes and unclear sentencing, and the linkage between ideas can be improved. Use transitional phrases and ensure that sentences and paragraphs flow logically from one to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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