In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is this happening? How should they be punished?

#parts #world #children #teenagers #crimes

In a number of nations, a growing number of junior generations are committing crimes.

This

essay analyzes the exact incentives and the most effective punishments for

this

phenomenon. To commence with, there are two major key motivations for

this

trouble. One key factor is financial motives, and an immense part of criminal offences

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is to

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earn money for everyday life expenditures. Another element that has a significant impact is peer pressure. To be more precious, they find doing crimes appealing

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apply

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because they become convinced that they are like other peers.

Moreover

, it leads to high status for them among their friends. A prime example is a survey conducted by the Iran Research Institute, which reveals that over 67% of

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pickpocketing

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pick pocketing

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pickpocketing

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happened

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underground trains

inTehran

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in Tehran

by teenagers which is

consideredan

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considered an

considered

acceptable action between their classmates. One proper penalty to tackle

this

vax question is to

focuson

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focus on

training.

For instance

, these offenders should attend numerous compulsory teaching classes to distinguish between the right and wrong manner.

Additionally

thisinsuperable

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this insuperable

problem

alsocan

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also can

be solved by governments, they should not only offer rehabilitation for the young

generationbut

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generation but

also

propose taking part in community services.

However

, in my perspective, prevention is always better than treatment, so parents and guardians should have careful investigation and attention

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their children's

behaviors

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behaviours

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. Taking everything into consideration,

this

sensible phenomenon can pose a number of difficulties for the state and the citizens at the same time, so it is advisable to note that every member of society should take initiative steps to address the problem.

Submitted by ziba.gharehnazifam on Sat Dec 23 2023

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introduction conclusion present

The introduction does not clearly present the topic and the structure of the essay lacks clarity with abrupt transitions between ideas. There needs to be a more defined introduction and conclusion, safely guiding the reader through the essay's argument and summarizing its main points.

supported main points

Main points need to be more thoroughly developed and supported with relevant examples. While examples are provided, they sometimes lack full explanation or connection back to the main argument, which weakens the overall coherence of the essay.

complete response

The response does not fully address all parts of the task. While the essay discusses possible motivations for crime among the youth and suggests potential punishments, more exploration into the efficiency of those punishments as well as clearer development of ideas is required for a higher score. Ensure that all parts of the question are addressed equally and thoroughly.

clear comprehensive ideas

Ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. The writing contains inconsistent language and expressions that can confuse the reader. Avoid overly complex or ambiguous phrasing and strive for precision and simplicity in language use.

relevant specific examples

The essay briefly uses an example from a study, but this could be expanded upon to prove the point more effectively. Use additional, more specific examples to illustrate and support your arguments.

logical structure

The coherence of the essay is compromised by grammar mistakes and unclear sentencing, and the linkage between ideas can be improved. Use transitional phrases and ensure that sentences and paragraphs flow logically from one to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

10 paragraphs

258 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is this happening? How should they be punished?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that technological advancements have made our lives simpler and more convenient, while others argue that these developments have led to a loss of important life skills. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Since most information about culture and history can be found online, museums are no longer needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, people tend to change many jobs during their lifetime. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many parents give their children certain chores or tasks to do at home. Should children have to do chores or tasks at home? Be sure to explain why you think it is a good idea or a bad idea. Include examples to support your reasons.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.  Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.