IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010.

The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010.
#percentage #population #uk #amount #fruit #vegetables
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of the population in the UK who
eat
Wrong verb form
ate
show examples
recommended
Correct article usage
the recommended
show examples
 quality of fruit and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 in 3 different
years
Use synonyms
:2002, 2006,
2010
Correct word choice
and 2010
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in three
years
Use synonyms
 women consumed the highest amount of fruit and
vegetables
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 children’s consumption of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vegetables
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 in
2006
Add a comma
2006,
show examples
 people consumed more
vegetables
Use synonyms
 compared with 2002 and 2010. Look at the graph for more detail, In 2002 about 22% of men consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and
vegetables
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure for women was one-quarter. After 4
years
Use synonyms
, statistics for both genders experienced
considerable
Add an article
a considerable
show examples
 increase by approximately 6%, figures were 28% and 32% respectively. In the same way between
Use synonyms
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 2002 and 2006 data on the figures, which shows consumption of
vegetables
Use synonyms
 for children experienced
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 rise from 11% to 16%.
Despite
Correct pronoun usage
Despite this
show examples
, in 2010 the ratio of men and women who ate
recommended
Correct article usage
the recommended
show examples
 amount of
vegetables
Use synonyms
 declined to 24% and 27%
respectively
Rephrase
apply
show examples
,
Linking Words
similarly
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
this
Linking Words
 figure for children witnessed a fall of 2% in 2010 year.
Submitted by hebibli.eli on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words vegetables, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: