Some people think children should have mobile phones, others disagree. Discuss both sides and give opinion.
Many people assume
kids
should have technology equipment such
as mobile phones
, Others argue this
view. I strongly believe that when kids
own mobile phones
, it brings advantages namely to help them to complete their educational matters. However
, it also
potentially gives a downside, without any control and awareness children
will fall into negative things that influence their personal growth.
On one hand, permitting children
to have their own mobile phone, will be helpful for their educational matters. Nowadays, there are a lot of schools which associated with technology in their learning activities. Willing or not, it leads kids
to use technology tools in order to finish their tasks. For example
, students at school often finish their assignments on a particular online platform such
as Quiziz, sometimes teacher asks students to send their work results through WhatsApp. Mobile phones
also
be put on to accept additional information from teachers through the Learning Management System. It caused parents to be able to coordinate with teachers about kids
' learning track records through Learning Management System Websites.
On the other hand
, however
, without any control from parents, kids
potentially will fall into negative things that affect their personal growth. The mobile phone provides several applications for kids
to explore much information on the internet. Then
, kids
have high natural curiosity which makes them access inappropriate content. For example
, on Instagram
there are many inappropriate images uploaded by someone, and if Add a comma
Instagram,
children
see them, they will imitate them in real life. Moreover
, spending too much time on mobile phones
,
will decrease Remove the comma
apply
children
's social abilities. Children
tend to watch their phones
because they think it is more interesting than others. Parents have to create wise policies to reduce their kids
' time on mobile phones
. For example
, allowing children
only for 1-2 hours to use their own mobile phones
, and direct them to do other activities that become the main priority.
In Conclusion, giving permission to children
have their own mobile phone has advantages such
as it can help children
complete their educational matters at school. However
, it also
has a downside, if they have no control over adults, they will accept the all of information on the internet without any filters and it will influence their personal growth.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. While the overall structure is adequate, deeper elaboration and clearer transition between supporting points will improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and develop paragraphs with focused and relevant supporting points. Aim for better paragraphing and solid argumentation without distractions from the main topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task, providing both sides of the argument as well as a personal opinion, which is good. However, develop your arguments more thoroughly and provide more detailed examples to support your points.
task achievement
Balance the development of both views thoroughly so that there is an even exploration of the topic and a logical flow that leads to your conclusion. Clarify your opinion more explicitly and consistently throughout the essay.