Some people say that music a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Many
people
opine and believe that music
is the best way to promote cohesion among people
of diverse culture
and age groups. It can be beneficial for bringing individuals together for social causes. I completely agree with the statement that Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
music
which is pleasant and widely acceptable can be used to promote harmony.
One of the significant reasons that music
expels the barriers among different nations and cultures is that people
savour music
from every part of the world. It speaks the same language, which embodies human emotions such
as,
sorrow, love and joy. Remove the comma
apply
For example
, some viral music
in foreign languages in our country signifies how it speaks our minds and heart
rather than
just a human language.
Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
Moreover
, music
has become the universal language that unites people
worldwide, regardless of nationality, race, religion, or creed. The foundations and
notes, and melodic elements of Correct word choice
apply
music
are similar worldwide. Recent research releaves
that humans all over the world share the same universal musical grammar. So, Correct your spelling
reveals
people
worldwide can comprehend the messages of music
regardless of its origin. The music
brings nations of disparate cultures toghether
through an overwhelming urge for solidarity, freedom and a sense of optimism.
Correct your spelling
together
On the other hand
, music
is not good at reconciling the generation gap. In fact, from empirical evidence, most people
are inclined to enjoy the songs from their formative stages, and they very often look upon the current vogue of music
with disdain. Every epoch has its music
trend that profoundly shapes a particular paradigm of thought. People
tend to pick specific songs and singers
that relate to a certain period of their lives.
To sum up
, I believe that music
is unique in its capacity to create shared experiences between people
, irrespectively
of culture Rephrase
regardless
and
age or country.Correct word choice
apply
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a good structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, maintaining focus on the topic throughout. It can be improved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to better link ideas and arguments, allowing for a more seamless reader experience.
task achievement
You have addressed the question directly and provided a clear opinion. Your arguments are relevant, but for an even stronger response, work on substantiating your points with a wider range of specific examples that illustrate the influence of music on cultural and generational cohesion more vividly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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