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Band 5.5

Some people say that music a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
Many
people
 opine and believe that
music
 is the best way to promote cohesion among
people
 of diverse
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and age groups. It can be beneficial for bringing individuals together for social causes. I completely agree with the statement that
music
 which is pleasant and widely acceptable can be used to promote harmony. One of the significant reasons that
music
 expels the barriers among different nations and cultures is that
people
 savour
music
 from every part of the world. It speaks the same language, which embodies human emotions
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 sorrow, love and joy.
For example
, some viral
music
 in foreign languages in our country signifies how it speaks our minds and
heart
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hearts
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 rather than just a human language.
Moreover
,
music
 has become the universal language that unites
people
 worldwide, regardless of nationality, race, religion, or creed. The foundations
and
Correct word choice
apply
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notes, and melodic elements of
music
 are similar worldwide. Recent research
releaves
Correct your spelling
reveals
 that humans all over the world share the same universal musical grammar. So,
people
 worldwide can comprehend the messages of
music
 regardless of its origin. The
music
 brings nations of disparate cultures
toghether
Correct your spelling
together
 through an overwhelming urge for solidarity, freedom and a sense of optimism.
On the other hand
,
music
 is not good at reconciling the generation gap. In fact, from empirical evidence, most
people
 are inclined to enjoy the songs from their formative stages, and they very often look upon the current vogue of
music
 with disdain. Every epoch has its
music
 trend that profoundly shapes a particular paradigm of thought.
People
 tend to pick specific songs and singers that relate to a certain period of their lives.
To sum up
, I believe that
music
 is unique in its capacity to create shared experiences between
people
,
irrespectively
Rephrase
regardless
show examples
 of culture
and
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apply
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age or country.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a good structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, maintaining focus on the topic throughout. It can be improved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to better link ideas and arguments, allowing for a more seamless reader experience.
task achievement
You have addressed the question directly and provided a clear opinion. Your arguments are relevant, but for an even stronger response, work on substantiating your points with a wider range of specific examples that illustrate the influence of music on cultural and generational cohesion more vividly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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