IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today, everyday necessities like food and petrol have become very expensive. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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 modern world, the cost of everyday necessities
such
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 as
food
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 and
petrol
Use synonyms
 has become increasingly expensive. In my opinion, the primary causes of
this
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 issue are
countries
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' inability to produce local products and lack of
alternative
Fix the agreement mistake
alternatives
show examples
.
This
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 essay will explain what might have caused
this
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 situation with relevant examples and what should be done to address
this
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 problem.
Firstly
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, many
countries
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 that are unable to be self-sufficient in producing their own necessities may rely on other
countries
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 for their supply.
For example
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,
at the end
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 of 2022, the price of
Indonesia
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's fertilizers skyrocketed when the Russia-Ukraine conflict occurred.
This
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 is because Russia stopped exporting their fertilizers to other
countries
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 and unfortunately, the majority of
Indonesia
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's fertilizers were produced by Russia at that time, which led to a dramatic price volatility.
As a result
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, up until now, the fertilizer price in
Indonesia
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remains
Wrong verb form
has remained
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 high
due to
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Indonesia
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's failure to balance
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 supply and demand.
Secondly
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,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of
alternative
Fix the agreement mistake
alternatives
show examples
 for certain
food
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 and
petrol
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 could be another reason why the prices have become so expensive.
For instance
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, the type of fuel
that is
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 mostly consumed by Indonesians is gasoline, which is not renewable. The production of gasoline keeps on decreasing each day
due to
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 the increasing population in
Indonesia
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 which leads to energy scarcity. To suppress its demand, the government imposes a tax to secure the energy source because they do not have any option to substitute gasoline. In conclusion, the reason why
food
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 and
petrol
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 prices are increasing day by day in many
countries
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 is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 these
countries
Use synonyms
 may not be able to produce their own products independently and fail to explore
food
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 and
petrol
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 substitutions. After
thorough
Correct article usage
a thorough
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 analysis
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
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 subject matter, it is predicted that government regulations play a pivotal role in raising public awareness
such
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 as creating business competition incentives and supporting renewable energy vehicles by providing subsidies to their residents.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure but still needs improved flow and connectivity. Employ a variety of cohesive devices to ensure paragraphs and sentences are well-connected, and thoughts flow smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more impactful. Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating the issues and your stance. In your conclusion, succinctly summarize your main points and restate your opinion to reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, yet they require further development and more varied supports. Elaborate on your ideas further and provide additional examples or evidence to reinforce each point.
task achievement
You addressed the task, but your response could be more complete. Ensure you fully develop your argument concerning both causes and the necessary actions. Expand on your ideas to provide a more exhaustive discussion.
task achievement
Your essay communicates clear ideas; however, for a higher score, you need to present these ideas more comprehensively. Work on deepening your analysis and providing a broader range of thoughts on each aspect of the question.
task achievement
The use of relevant specific examples is good but they could be more detailed and more directly related to the question. Try to illustrate your points with more precise and varied examples that directly tie back to the factors and solutions you are discussing.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic instability
  • market dynamics
  • inflationary pressures
  • consumer spending
  • trade barriers
  • supply chain bottlenecks
  • subsistence goods
  • monetary policy
  • fiscal measures
  • socioeconomic impact
  • cost-effective alternatives
  • energy conservation
  • sustainable practices
  • agricultural yield
  • commodity prices
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