Government investment in arts such as music and theaters is a waste of money. Government must invest that money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?
It is commonly believed that investing
money
in audio and video-based arts is not useful instead
government
should spend money
on services for common people
. I do not agree with this
statement since the entertainment industry will bring more benefits which i
will explain in the below paragraphs.
First and foremost, the entertainment industry will bring happiness to Change the capitalization
I
people
which always benefits the government
if the people
are living without much worry. This
helps people
to get out of depression and stress based on their work pressure and personal problems. For Instance
, a person who works hard during the week will need some relaxation during weekends to make him happy. Watching music and movies will help them to get relaxed during non-working hours or weekends.
Secondly
, films are generating huge profits which will bring back more money
to the government
based on the taxes for the profit
gained. Nowadays, the music industry is also
generating a good amount of money
in streaming platforms which will return benefits to the government
. Recently, movies have collected 10 times the profit
on the amount invested and it will benefit the theater owners. Not only films but we could see even songs on streaming platforms went viral it has 10 million views every day and it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
makes
a good Correct subject-verb agreement
make
profit
.
In conclusion, money
invested in entertainment-based arts will never be wasted as they will definitely bring profits and happiness to people
. I would suggest the government
should always spend some money
on this
which will bring more returns later based on the taxes on the profit
.Submitted by mailramkrish on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your introduction and conclusion could be more clear and definitive. A good introduction should paraphrase the question and state your position directly, while a conclusion should summarize the main points and reiterate your position without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there's a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to connect ideas and paragraphs. While your essay shows logical sequence at times, you can improve connectivity by using a broader range of linking words and transitions.
task achievement
Fully address the question by ensuring that your essay responds to all parts of the task. Each body paragraph should have a clear main idea that is relevant to the prompt followed by supporting details. You should look for ways to develop your ideas more thoroughly with a better balance of explanation and example.
task achievement
Include clear and comprehensive ideas in your response. While you have provided some relevant examples, you should strive for more depth in examining the issue, discussing potential drawbacks as well as benefits of government investment in arts. Consider addressing possible counterarguments to strengthen your position.
task achievement
Expand on your examples by providing specific evidence and details. The examples given are good, but they would benefit from more specifics and statistics to back up your points. Additionally, make sure that the examples are directly linked to the question at hand and contribute to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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