IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited four different attractions from 1980 to 2010

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited four different attractions from 1980 to 2010
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph provides information regarding the number of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 visiting four distinct tourist sites in Scotland over the
period
Use synonyms
 from 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the figures for visitors coming to the zoo and castle in Edinburgh witnessed an upward trajectory;
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of people exploring the aquarium and festival showed a significant
decline
Use synonyms
 throughout the
period
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there was a 10% rise in visitors coming to the zoo from around 10% in 1980 to approximately 20% in 2010.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of people who enjoyed the castle increased from around 20% to the highest peak at around 45% in 1995. Despite
this
Linking Words
 number being followed by a significant
decline
Use synonyms
 to just over 30%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
, it was still the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, starting from around 30% in 1980, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of tourists who enjoyed a festival experienced a slight
decline
Use synonyms
 to around 25% in 2000.
This
Linking Words
 value remained the same and plateaued till the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the number of people going to the aquarium showed a considerable
decline
Use synonyms
, after reaching its peak of around 35% in 1985, to just under 10% in 2010.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words period, percentage, decline with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: