Today’s teenagers struggles with many social issues. Some people think that this is because their parents are spending more time at work than at home. Do you agree or disagree?

In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
world,
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
social skills are
under developed
Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
show examples
. Which
developing
Wrong verb form
develops
show examples
poor communities and many other issues. I
toallly
Correct your spelling
totally
agree with the statement that people
send
Correct your spelling
spend
show examples
more
time
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
work than at home. First of all,
teenage
Correct article usage
the teenage
show examples
is
Verb problem
years are
show examples
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
sensitive and crucial
time
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
every
kids
Change to a singular noun
kid
show examples
.
In which
Change preposition
Which
show examples
gudiance
Correct your spelling
guidance
has to play
Add an article
a
show examples
major role
to guide
Change preposition
in guiding
show examples
them about bad or good .As
teenagers
are not
matures
Wrong verb form
mature
show examples
to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
better
decisons
Correct your spelling
decisions
, they always look for better support. No one else can provide them
Change preposition
with
show examples
better
advise
Replace the word
advice
show examples
,
instead
of their own
parents
. In
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
of their
parents
, they always search for
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
option. where the common search they do
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online and start connecting more to
virtual
Add an article
the virtual
show examples
world
instead
of the real
society
.
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
days
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
very common to see in
society
that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
lost
Add a missing verb
are lost
show examples
in
electronics
Replace the word
electronic
show examples
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, its common behaviour is developing not to talk and share
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
with anybody.
Moreover
,
youngsters
Change noun form
youngsters'
youngster's
show examples
brains are not
tarined
Correct your spelling
trained
to carry that much vast information from online sources. which developed
sicatric
Correct your spelling
sciatic
among them.
secondly
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
spend most of their
time
at work to make extra income.
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
they
forgot
Wrong verb form
forget
show examples
that their main asset is
Correct pronoun usage
their childerens
show examples
childerens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
. once
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
is passed
Wrong verb form
passes
show examples
and
teenagers
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
becomes
Change the verb form
become
show examples
adults, they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
not care for their own
parents
. which
creating
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
of disputes in
society
and families.
Thirdly
, In
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
of
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
gudience
Correct your spelling
guidance
audience
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenage
Correct your spelling
teenagers
show examples
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
some criminal behaviours in people. which is very dangerous to the
society
At
last
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
agree that
parents
spend their most of
time
at work. which
Correct your spelling
leads
leeds
Correct your spelling
leads
to poor
Correct your spelling
development
developmnet
Correct your spelling
development
of social behaviour of
teenagers
Submitted by liftruxinc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks logical structure and clear paragraphing, which impacts the coherence and flow of ideas. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the paragraphs flow logically from one to the next. Use transition words to better link your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but are not effective in clearly presenting the topic and summarizing the main points of the argument. Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments without adding new information.
coherence cohesion
The points made are somewhat supported, but the supporting sentences are often incomplete or incoherent. Develop each main point with clear explanations, examples, and arguments that logically support your viewpoint.
task achievement
While the essay attempts to address the topic, it doesn't fully respond to the prompt in a clear or comprehensive way. Make sure to stay focused on the question throughout the essay and fully answer all parts of the prompt.
task achievement
Your ideas are not fully expanded upon, and there is a lack of clarity in the expression of your thoughts. Work on clearly articulating complex ideas with properly structured sentences and defined vocabulary.
task achievement
The essay uses minimal and non-specific examples. Incorporating relevant, specific examples is essential for effectively illustrating your arguments and strengthening your essay. Aim to include at least one strong example per main point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parental guidance
  • Supervision
  • Neglect
  • Peer pressure
  • Quality time
  • Unhealthy attention-seeking
  • Online safety
  • Support systems
  • Community programs
  • Independent problem-solving
  • Family dynamics
  • Emotional well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: