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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many parts of the world, people are living longer than they used to. Some believe this can cause problems, while others think an aging population can bring advantages for businesses, governments, and society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In recent years the ageing population has increased significantly.
While
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 some believe that having elderly
people
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 is advantageous, others argue that there are more significant disadvantages to society. On the one hand,
governments
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 will face more economic problems because they are obligated to improve healthcare systems and pay retirement salaries.
As a result
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 of that, more money will be spent by
governments
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 in order to provide older
people
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 with better medical treatment, which will result in high national expenditures.
Moreover
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, most companies will be threatened since they will struggle to find potential
workers
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 to employ, as older
workers
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 are unable to work long-term because of their health limitations.
For instance
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, a company in Japan cannot run smoothly
due to
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 a lack of
workers
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, especially young ones.
Therefore
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, ageing populations cause problems for both
governments
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 and businesses, making it harder to manage costs and find enough
workers
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.
On the other hand
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, older
people
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 can prepare the young generation by giving them life advice, which can be useful for their futures.
This
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 is because they are more experienced and knowledgeable and can guide them.
For example
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, grandparents often share stories and advice based on real-life situations, helping young
people
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 make wiser decisions.
In addition
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, older employees in workplaces can mentor younger colleagues, teaching them important skills and guiding them through challenges.
Therefore
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, the knowledge and wisdom of older individuals can be valuable for the development and success of future generations. In conclusion,
while
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 the ageing population presents economic challenges for
governments
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 and businesses
due to
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 increased healthcare costs and a limited workforce, it
also
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 offers valuable benefits through the experience and guidance of older individuals. In my opinion, an ageing population will lead to negative consequences, particularly for the economy and business sectors.

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task achievement
Expand on the economic challenges faced by businesses due to an aging population, and provide more specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your arguments by clearly linking the disadvantages and advantages in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You successfully present both views on the topic, showing a balanced perspective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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