IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
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Incidences of obesity have risen over the years. It is believed to be a consequence of
over
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
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consumption
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 of fast
food
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 and
hence
Linking Words
 some people argue that the
government
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 should increase the
tax
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 on
such
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 foods. In my opinion,
this
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 approach is unlikely to yield the desired result. In the first place, increasing
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tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
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 on fast
food
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 is unlikely to reduce its
consumption
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. Actually, most people who consume it are already well aware of the health consequences of its
consumption
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;
however
Linking Words
, their busy schedules do not permit them to cook proper
meals
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 at home.
Hence
Linking Words
, they opt for readymade
meals
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. They will buy packaged
food
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 even if the price is high because they cannot or do not want to cook healthy
food
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 at home.
Hence
Linking Words
, a higher
tax
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 will have little impact on fast
food
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consumption
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 especially among middle and higher income groups. At the same time, it will put a burden on the lower strata of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. Many of these people subsist on fast
food
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 because they cannot afford healthy
food
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. By increasing the
tax
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 on fast
food
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, the
government
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 will only add to their woes. A better solution is to make healthy
food
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 more affordable and available to all sections of the society. The
government
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 can open eateries all over the country where it can sell healthy
meals
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 at affordable prices. It should
also
Linking Words
 enact laws that make it mandatory for
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
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food
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 companies to ensure the quality of their foods. In conclusion, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to combat obesity, and a higher
tax
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 on fast
food
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 is not the one we need. What the
government
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 should do is to make healthy
meals
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 more and more affordable.
Submitted by hamidatul.mubayyinah on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Develop your ideas more fully with clear, relevant examples to support your arguments. This enriches your content and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the issue.
task achievement
Be sure to fully address all parts of the task. Your position should be presented, extended, and supported with examples to cover the topic comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Work on presenting a clear, logical progression of ideas with a range of connectors and cohesive devices to guide the reader through your argument
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitions and ensure paragraphing is clear and logical. Each paragraph should present a single clear idea with sufficient elaboration.
task achievement
Be attentive to the nuances of the topic. Address potential counterarguments to show an ability to engage critically with the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
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