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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of international students enrolled in British universities in two years, 1990 and 2014.

The bar chart shows the percentage of international students enrolled in British universities in two years, 1990 and 2014.
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The information given in the chart compares
registered
Correct article usage
the registered
show examples
 international student proportion of universities in Britain in 1990 and 2014. The measures
given
Add the auxiliary verb
are given
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 by percentages. Birmingham,Glasgow and
Edinbourogh
Correct your spelling
Edinburgh
,
overall
Linking Words
,
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 approximately doubled over the period ,
while
Linking Words
 Cardiff was halved.
Besides
Linking Words
, Brighton is the university with
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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internation
Correct your spelling
international
 student rate. One
intertesting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 fact in the data is that Liverpool
remain
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remains
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 the same with 8% in these given years. In both Bristol and Leads, figures witnessed an increase
by
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of
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 1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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, climbing in Bristol to 6%,going up in Leeds to 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
, Brington experienced a
grow
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growth
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 from 12% to 13 percent between 2009 and 2014.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Cardif
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Cardiff
 is
only
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the only
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 university which saw a fall by 2 times from 2% to 1%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Huddesfield
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Huddersfield
 which has only 1%
Change preposition
of student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 from other countries rocketed to 3% in 2014.
Besides
Linking Words
, figures for Birmingham and Brighton became highest in 2014 with 12% and 13%, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "besides".
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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