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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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There are various cultures in the world, in some cultures, younger
people
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 are often encouraged they work hard they gain anything.
This
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 behaviour can have positive and negative impacts on
children
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's development and I will explain
this
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 in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, younger
people
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 who have narrated that if they make a bigger effort can gain anything they want could create positive behaviours for their character. In some cases,
children
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 do not easily give up when facing difficulties because they perceive hard
endeavors
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endeavours
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 can bring them success.
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, when they grow up they could become more resilient
people
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. They perceive life very optimistically as long as they try hard enough so they will quickly move forward when having failures.
On the other hand
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, advising
children
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 to have the concept that working hard can achieve anything can affect their mental health and character.
For example
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, some
children
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 who have been nurtured to do hard performance all the time to reach their success can become stressed if they do not do what they want. They may perceive that their effort is not enough or in the worst case, they can blame themself for their failures and the impact on their mental health.
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, when they become adults they have a tendency to do anything in a negative way to achieve their goals.
For instance
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, they might do gratification for the authority in order to win their project. In conclusion,
this
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 concept can make
people
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 more resilient and persistent in their life but it can bring bad effects
such
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 as blaming themselves if they have failures.
Therefore
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, as adults we have to teach
children
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 the concept wisely for a better life in the future.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more clearly defined and effectively state the focus of the essay, making the reader unequivocally aware of the writer's position from the beginning until the end.
logical structure
Enhance logical structure by improving transitions between ideas and paragraphs, ensuring each point logically follows from the previous one, creating a smoother reading experience.
supported main points
Develop main points with more specific and relevant examples to support the argument. While general statements are made, the impact would be stronger with the provision of illustrative examples.
complete response
Your response to the task is on the right track by presenting both advantages and disadvantages as per the prompt. However, strive to cover all parts of the question more completely by fully developing each point.
clear comprehensive ideas
You've demonstrated a clear understanding of the topic, but aim to articulate your ideas more comprehensively. Improve the illustration and explanation of points to convey a more thorough and nuanced understanding.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate specific, relevant examples throughout your essay to solidify your arguments. Use these to not only demonstrate understanding but also to persuade the reader of the validity of your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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