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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Computers are becoming an essential part of school lessons. Do the advantages of using computers for learning outweigh its disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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The development of technology has improved our quality of life in various aspects, including education. It is often said that
computers
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 have been a crucial part of the learning process for some reasons. I personally believe that computer
use
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 in the classroom brings more positive impacts than downsides.
To begin
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 with, there are several benefits to
computers
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 used for school lessons. First of all, the
use
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 of
computers
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 has let our
students
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 access more knowledge they need through the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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.
This
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 knowledge includes
the
Correct article usage
apply
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animation which is used to project some phenomena which are difficult to see or imagine for
students
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.
For example
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, seeing the process of how our brain transfers information through receptors has become accessible. Another advantage is that people can
use
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 it to take and archive their notes during their study. For that,
computers
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 made it possible for
students
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 to reduce the paper used for studying purposes. Albeit the benefits, using
computers
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 during the learning process
also
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 brings some negatives. One drawback is that the internet is possible to be used for other purposes when the
students
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 have less integrity.
In other words
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, letting
students
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use
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computers
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 with internet access somehow makes them easily distracted.
Additionally
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, as computer dimensions are big, it spends more space on
students
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' desks or will put more weight
in
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on
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students
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' bags if they
use
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 laptops. In summary,
although
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 some problems
such
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 as being distracted and taking more space, I believe that the benefits of using
computers
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 at school outweigh the negatives. The advantages include giving more access to knowledge and saving study notes.

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coherence cohesion
When constructing an essay, ensure that your logical structure flows smoothly. Transitions between paragraphs could be improved to enhance cohesion and connect ideas more cohesively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are vital to framing your essay. While these are present, try to open your essay with a clearer paraphrasing of the question and close with a more definitive conclusion that summarizes your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Expand and develop main points to fully support your arguments. Your essay would benefit from deeper exploration and explanation of each advantage and disadvantage you mention.
task achievement
Make sure to answer all parts of the task directly and completely. Elaborate more thoroughly on the advantages and disadvantages and analyze them in equal measure to demonstrate a balanced view.
task achievement
Strive to present ideas clearly and comprehensively throughout your essay. Use more complex structures and vocabulary to convey your points effectively and to showcase a higher level of English proficiency.
task achievement
Incorporating relevant and specific examples can greatly strengthen your essay. Aim to use detailed examples from real-life situations or studies to substantiate your points and give your essay more persuasive power.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Edutainment
  • Multimedia resources
  • E-learning platforms
  • Digital literacy
  • Cyberbullying
  • Ergonomic hazards
  • Cognitive overload
  • Technological proficiency
  • Blended learning environments
  • Instructional technology
  • Adaptive software
  • Screen time management
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