IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The world should have only one government rather than a national government for each country. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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The community has to choose the Government by making votes if only one law should
have take
Wrong verb form
make
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 bucolic decisions for each agrarian that will make more reduce competition to gain votes from citizens.
This
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 essay attempts to discuss the pros and cons. To start with, the benefits of a single-world state Centralized policies on global issues like climate change, pandemics, and human rights could be more effectively managed.
Due to
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this
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, the pollution will be controlled and more people involved in cleaning their nation and all of society will follow rules and regulations.
For example
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, if the authority makes decisions for human rights
then
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 all people will trust on rule.
Therefore
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, it will help to improve the environment and improvement of nations.
Secondly
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, A global economy with a unified currency and no trade barriers could enhance economic stability and evolution
this
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 ministry should remove all barriers to business laws
such
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 , developing nations will open opportunities to trade with developed nations and the economy would grow.
Hence
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, the unified currency would be the same
by
Change preposition
if
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all dwellers have purchased at the same price what they want.
On the contrary
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, one disadvantage of sole authority is that cultural diversity and national identity could be undermined by a homogenized global union.
Moreover
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, it will impact our rituals and traditions for humans because
of
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apply
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these
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 will fight against other cultures.
For instance
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, if the government should have the power to change only one tradition and culture to be accepted on a
golbal
Correct your spelling
global
 basis
then
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 all locals will fight each other and attack to state. Another drawback is that decision-making could be less democratic as representatives may be far removed from the populace.
As a result
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, the government should not have too much burden on their head to make decisions for folks that bring time-consuming process.
To conclude
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, There are both positive and negative to
this
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 way of a single law in each homey. In spite of the fact that centralised policies help remove climate change, pandemics and human rights problems and are managed effectively A global economy with a unified and no trade barriers could enhance economic stability and improvement yet disadvantage is cultural diversity problems and decision-making issues faced. I believe that every rustic has its own working strategy.

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task achievement
Your essay lacks a clear and concise introduction that clearly addresses the prompt. Introduce the topic with a strong statement and state your main argument more directly.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay directly responds to all parts of the task. Your essay should provide a more explicit comparison between the advantages and disadvantages of having only one government.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and data to support your points. Your arguments are currently too generalized and need concrete examples to be persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay could be improved by more clearly defined paragraphs with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas within and across sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points further. Many of your arguments are stated without adequate explanation or support, making them weak and unconvincing.
language
Avoid using unclear or inappropriate terms such as 'bucolic decisions,' 'agrarian,' and 'rustic,' especially when they do not fit the context of the essay.
language
Work on the accuracy of your language usage, including grammar, vocabulary, and spelling, to avoid making errors that can obscure your meaning.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion more clearly, ensuring the reader is left with a strong understanding of your position on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • centralized policies
  • international cooperation
  • global economy
  • trade barriers
  • military spending
  • authoritarian control
  • cultural diversity
  • national identities
  • local issues
  • homogenized
  • decision-making
  • democratic representation
  • world peacekeeping force
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