The chart below show the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and in 2008.

The chart below show the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and in 2008.
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The pie charts below represent the
percentage
Use synonyms
of various activities that adults do during the day in a country in each of 1958 and 2008. There are six different activities, which consist of Sleeping, Traveling to work, Working, Relaxing at home, Going out with friends or family, and others.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
percentage
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of activity in both years is recorded as working, which is 33
percent
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per cent
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in 1958 and 42
percent
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per cent
show examples
in 2008.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the lowest
percentage
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of activity for both years is varied. In 2008,
traveling
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travelling
show examples
to work took only 2
percent
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per cent
show examples
of its whole day activity,
however
Linking Words
, it was 8
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percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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in 2008.
However
Linking Words
, the second highest
percentage
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of activities in both years
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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recorded in sleeping.
Submitted by pjh011205 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • technological advancements
  • leisure activities
  • household chores
  • gender roles
  • modern lifestyle
  • fast food trends
  • sleep patterns
  • health and well-being
  • societal impact
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